Page 51 of Stanton Adore

8

Natasha

I stagger back at the sight of him. Shit. He’s standing with his hands linked on top of his head. His eyes are cast down, and he is leaning against the wall.

“Josh,” I whisper. “What are you doing here?” He looks at me and shakes his head, unable to answer. “Baby, answer me.”

“Stop calling me that,” he snaps.

“No, I won’t.”

He swallows and looks down again. It is then I notice I am totally naked. I quickly grab a towel from the rail and wrap it around myself. He still looks down and his hands are still on top of his head, as if he is trying not to touch me, trying to restrain himself. The room is filled with steam, I am dripping wet in a towel and the man I am beyond physically attracted to is looking at the floor rather than at me. What’s wrong with this picture?

“Josh, answer me,” I repeat.

His eyes meet mine with a sadness in them that nearly breaks my heart. His hands are still linked on top of his head. “I’m not strong enough, I can’t do it,” he whispers.

“Strong enough for what?” I frown.

“To not want you.” He closes his eyes as if in pain.

“Baby,” I whisper as I wrap my arms around him. “I want you to want me.”

“No, Natasha.” He pushes me away. “I can’t do this.”

“Josh, talk to me. What’s going on?”

He shakes his head. ‘Why did you do it?” “What do you mean, Josh?”

“Why did you leave me before you even gave me a chance?”

That’s what all this anger is about? I smile.

“You find this funny?” he snaps. “I knew this was a waste of time.” He turns to walk out of the room.

“Josh, no.” I am suddenly panicked. “I didn’t do anything but save you from yourself.”

He frowns at me. “What do you mean?”

“Josh, you weren’t thinking straight. You were going to fess up to our parents.” He frowns again. “I was young, and you were my older cousin.” He shakes his head as he listens. “Josh, if my father found out he would have killed you—he would have thought that you forced me.”

He steps back, shocked at my insinuations. “It wasn’t like that,” he whispers as his face drops.

“I know, but that’s how it would have looked. I had to do it.”

His anger reignites. “You had to conveniently sleep with someone else to save me? Do you think I’m that stupid?” he yells.

I step back. “No, Josh, I lied to save you.” He frowns again. “I lied. I would never sleep with anyone else, Josh.”

He narrows his eyes at me. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

I can feel those uncontrollable, frigging tears appearing once again.

“How could you, Josh?” I choke out past the lump in my throat.

“Do what?”

“How could you think I actually slept with someone else? I was totally in love with you. It broke my fucking heart, Josh, and you believed it. Just like that you believed it.”