Page 175 of The Heart You Kept

My eyes well with tears, I’m so in love with this fucking asshole and I have no idea how to deal with it or what to do. I feel out of control and powerless; when he left on Sunday he took my heart with him.

He’ll call…he has to.

EDWARD

Like a caged animal, I pace. “Do something,” I bark.

“Why don’t you take a seat, Edward,” Paul replies calmly. “You’re wearing my office carpet down to a thread.”

“I don’t want to sit down.” I drag my hands through my hair. “Delete it,” I demand.

“Delete what?”

“Her. From my head.” I throw my hands up in the air. “Delete it right fucking now. You’re a quack, isn’t this what you do?”

Paul sits back and calmly crosses his legs. “You know that isn’t possible, but let’s unpack what has you feeling so upset.”

“I don’t want to unpack anything,” I fire back. “I don’t have time to have a daily freakout that forces me to fly to London just to see you.” I walk back and forth. “I’m very fucking busy, and this doesn’t align with my schedule.”

“Okay.” He nods as he holds his pen and notepad in his hand. “So are you saying that you don’t have time for Alora or are you saying that you don’t have time for the way she makes you feel?”

“Both.” I wipe the perspiration from my brow. “I need medication or something.” I glance back over to him as realization sets in. “Why haven’t you given me any?”

“This issue isn’t going to be rectified by numbing yourself with medication, Edward, you need to work through this.”

“I don’t have time for this fucking bullshit.”

“What exactly seems to be the problem?” Paul continues. “You spent the night together and what then…?”

“Do you fucking listen to me at all?” I cry. “I’m having a mental breakdown, that’s what.” I continue to pace.

“Explain to me in feelings, give me an example.”

“I can think of nothing else but her. I dream of her, I stalk her on social media, I have guards on her so I know she’s safe so that I can at least function.” I keep walking back and forth as I think out loud. “All I want to do, all I think about doing, is going to her.”

“So why don’t you?”

My eyes rise to meet his. “Are you not listening, dumb, or just plain stupid?”

“I think you are struggling because for the first time in your life you have met someone who has awakened feelings in you that are completely foreign. You feel connected, satisfied and contented. Am I right?”

I listen as I keep pacing.

“Edward, have you ever considered that being the happiest version of yourself comes with goodbyes?”

“What the fuck does that even mean?” I snap.

“Goodbye to your old way of thinking, but I’m going to ask you something and I want you to think long and hard before you answer me. Why don’t you want to be in love?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to be in love.” I think for a moment.

“Go on.”

“This isn’t love, this is an obsession. I have an unhealthy fascination with this woman, I’m like a depraved stalker.”

“You haven’t felt like this about another woman before?”

“No.”