Page 29 of The Heart You Kept

“So I have to ask….” He breaks the silence. “For someone as inexperienced as you…. Why would you pay to come to a place like this? I’m sure there are a million men who would give anything to have you peg them.”

“I don’t know.” I think for a moment. “I guess I was searching for something more.”

He nods as if processing my words.

“What about you, I’m wondering the same, why did you come here?”

“I honestly don’t know.” He hesitates. “Maybe I was searching for something more too.”

“What a pair of misfits we are.” I smile sadly. “I’m vanilla shortbread, you’re a chocolate fudge whorebag. You want to be pegged but you don’t want to be pegged. I need to do Misty’s list, but when push comes to shove I’m not sure I’ll actually be able to do it because I’m pretty sure I don’t know how to work a prosthetic dick without disemboweling someone. We can’t know anything about each other and yet I feel like I already know everything about you. And I’m quite sure that long after spending this weekend with you I will mourn your loss while you will probably never think of me again because you are just the most amazing lover of all time and well…I’m just me,” I blurt out in a rush.

He stops us and turns me to face him and smiles softly down at me. “You have it mistaken, it is you who is the most amazing lover, why do you think I couldn’t stop last night?” He takes my face in his hands and kisses me softly. “Why do you think I need an extra night?”

My eyes search his. “I wish we hadn’t met here.”

“Doe….” He sighs. “Don’t.” He pulls me into a hug and holds me tight in his arms.

My heart constricts because I know that’s his way of dismissing any chance of a meeting on the outside for us.

He already has someone.

As he holds me, a lump in my throat forms; we’re so close but so far.

I’m reminded that we really don’t know each other at all.

“Let’s just enjoy every minute of our night together, okay?” he whispers into my hair.

“Okay.” I smile, feeling stupid.

I knew what I signed up for…keep it together, fool.

I pull out of his arms determined to do better. He did not come here to put up with my whiny and needy behavior. I’m not his girlfriend, hell…we don’t even know each other.

It is what it is.

I came here to finish Misty’s list and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

It’s time to put my heart in a box and sharpen my sword to prepare for battle.

Tonight…I’m going to fulfill his deepest and darkest fantasy.

Who knows, it might turn out to be mine too.

If déjà vu had an official day, today would be it.

Mr. Doe and I are on the love boat, we went for a walk around the village this morning, and had a late lunch.

We’ve talked and laughed and taken a big hot deep bath and then this afternoon we had a nap, well I slept while he lay on his side and watched me.

We’re acting like an old couple in love and haven’t had sex once today.

Or maybe it’s just that he had enough of my body last night.

I crave his touch and yet at the same time I want to prove to myself that we are more than what we came here for.

Does he feel it too?

I stare at my face in the dimly lit bathroom mirror, my dark hair is loose and I’m wearing my tight red dress and strappy stilettos.