Page 85 of The Heart You Kept

We sit at the window bench, watching the rain come down outside, it’s Wednesday and we’re drinking on a school night.

“Yeah.” I chew my lip as I go over the last two weeks. “Lately, these last few days, I’ve been wondering if I did the right thing.”

“You haven’t heard from him at all?”

“No, and—” I shake my head, “—I’m not expecting to anytime soon.”

“Hmm.” She’s listening and deep in thought. “But is it him you miss or just having someone? I mean is it him or the thought of him?”

“Honestly—” I shrug, “—I don’t even know anymore.”

“Have you heard from Edward?”

“Nope.”

“Hmm.” She narrows her eyes. “So you broke up with your boyfriend for another guy but then he hasn’t even called.”

“No.” I cut her off. “I broke up with my boyfriend because I realized that my feelings for him weren’t what they were supposed to be.”

“Because seeing Edward again made you realize that.”

“This sounds worse when I hear it out loud.” I let out a deep sigh. “God, Helene, why am I such a fuckup?”

“You’re not a fuckup.”

“He’s off and in love with his princess and hasn’t thought of me again once.”

“Hmm.” She sips her drink. “Which obviously sucks.”

“Obviously,” I agree. “I can’t deny, it does.”

“Anyway, who cares about men? Fuck them all, I say.”

I give a weak smile. “Yeah, sounds like a plan.”

“Wait a minute.” She frowns. “I thought we’re supposed to be talking about what we’re filming for socials tomorrow.”

“Isn’t that what we’re doing?” I giggle and sip my cocktail.

“Not quite.” We sit in silence for a while and the thought of going home alone tonight is depressing.

The truth is that I’m at a time in my life where I want it all. To be so in love that I can’t see straight, to be with someone who sets my heart and body on fire. Who loves me back just as hard.

Edward….

A fleeting vision of him flashes through my mind like a spell.

Not really there but holds the possibility of magic.

Unfortunately, I know that this spell hasn’t taken. It’s not coming true, just someone sent to test my ideals of reality. A glitch in my moral compass, he’s in love with another woman and I can’t pretend it doesn’t hurt that my feelings for him aren’t reciprocated.

“I thought we had something,” I murmur.

She nods as she listens. “I’m sorry.”

“Meh.” I shrug, resigned to my fate. “Fuck them all.”

“Yeah, can we actually start doing that?” She sips her drink. “Let’s go to a swingers party on Saturday night or something.”