Page 229 of Valentino

I want children, but more than that I want to know that their dad is going to be alive long enough to see them grow up.

If Valentino stays on the trajectory that he’s on now, prison or death is coming his way, it’s only a matter of time.

I cannot be witness to that. I can’t stand by and let that happen.

I won’t.

And if he can’t see that, then nothing I say is going to save him. He chose this life; he’s still choosing this life, and the truth of the matter is, I can’t hold a grudge about that, he needs to be fulfilled and happy.

But I can choose my life.

Closure, that’s what this was. Last night was nothing more than a string cutting ceremony so that we can move on from this stupid infatuation.

I keep thinking on this for a long time….

The truth is, I am grateful that I got to be in his magical aura if even for just one night.

I get a vision of us both laughing out loud, naked and holding hands in bed, and my heart aches for what could have been. If only things were different.

I really wish they were.

The afternoon sun whips through my hair, and I stare out over the sea.

It’s been the weirdest day; I checked in to the hotel and worked a little. Went for a walk through town and sat at a restaurant on my own, and now I’m back by the pool at my hotel…all with a deep sense of loss hanging over me.

It’s as if I’ve peeked behind the curtain and been shown a snippet of something wonderful before it was whisked away and told that I can never have it again.

I always knew it was wonderful but seeing him this time was different…. He seemed lighter, more like the Valentino I first met. He wasn’t obsessing about Carlo and his apology felt heartfelt.

He’s still a Ferrara; he will always be a Ferrara.

I can’t live my life like that…. I just can’t.

“Here you are.” The waiter passes me my drink. “Top shelf margarita.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ll just grab a signature.”

“Of course.” I take the bill from him.

“Is this seat taken?” a voice asks as they put their things onto the deck chair beside me.

“No.” I sign the cheque, put my sunglasses back on and return to my pity party for one. My gaze stays fixed on staring out to sea.

“What kind of job do you call this?” a voice says from beside me.

Huh?

I know that voice.

I glance over to see Valentino lying on the deck chair beside me.

“Val?”

“Hi.”

“What are you doing here?”