Page 239 of Valentino

I make my way into the bathroom and lean on the doorjamb; Valentino is under the water, washing away the remnants of shampoo. His tanned muscular body is on display as the soapsuds run down over him.

He turns, sees me and breaks into a broad beautiful smile. “Let me wash your back.”

I force a smile and get under the shower, he wraps his big arms around me, and I lean my head onto his chest. We stand in the steamy bathroom for a long time, neither speaking. I’m not sure where his mind is at, but it doesn’t seem to be here with me. And me…. Well, I’m just…. Freaking out.

“Did I hurt you?” he says softly.

“No, no.” I shake my head. “Nothing like that.”

“You shut down on me.”

“I know.” I shrug. “I didn’t mean to.” I think for a moment, I myself unsure of the reason. “I guess it’s a lot to process, you know.”

“I know.”

I close my eyes against his chest, it’s warm, comforting and covered with a scattering of dark hair.

Don’t leave me.

He turns me away from him and begins to wash my back, and I put my two hands onto the wall as my mind spirals into insecurity.

Can you hear yourself, Anna?

Standing here and silently praying that he won’t leave you.

This isn’t healthy…. At all.

I stare at the tiled wall. “We need to talk, Val,” I murmur.

“I know, babe.” He kisses my shoulder blade. “And we will.”

I turn toward him. “I just….”

“Not tonight.” He interrupts me with a soft kiss on the lips.

“There’s just so much we….”

“I know.” He cuts me off.

“I want to….”

“Not. Tonight.” He turns me away from him and goes back to washing my back. “In the morning.”

“But….”

“If we have that conversation tonight, Anna, it isn’t going to end well,” he says, sterner. “Trust me on this.” He rubs his hands up over the muscles in my shoulder blades.

My heart sinks, I know it isn’t going to end well tomorrow either.

How could it?

He takes his time and washes and dries me, and as if sensing that I’m on the precipice of a complete clingy breakdown, he tenderly tucks me into bed.

I stare straight ahead as I feel him climb in behind me before turning the bedside lamp off.

The room falls dark and I stare at the wall, still wrapped in his arms but somehow feeling more alone than ever.

“Good night, my beautiful Anna.”