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‘Yes,’ I say.

‘I don’t actually have his number,’ Jesse says.

‘Send him a DM.’ I smile and blink innocently at him.

‘Feels a bit out of the blue. I’ve never messaged him in my life,’ Jesse says. I knew he’d try to weasel out of it.

‘It would be really cathartic for me,’ I say. Jesse gives a small snort, then squares his shoulders a little.

‘Okay. What should I say?’ he says.

‘You made fun of Brooke’s jacket on the bus two years ago and you were wrong. It was a great jacket and she looked amazing in it.’

He opens a message and types it up, exactly as I said. Two formal little sentences sitting there, and he even puts a full stop at the end.

‘Should I send?’ he says, raising his eyebrows.

I start laughing. ‘Yes! Send.’

He does, which makes me laugh more. We watch and wait for a response.

‘He’s probably asleep,’ Jesse says. ‘Oh wait. A reply!’

He holds it up. The message says ‘wtf’ and nothing else.

Now we’re both laughing.

‘What now?’ Jesse says.

‘I don’t know. I’m panicking,’ I say.

‘I mean, it’s fairly self-explanatory. Does he really need more information?’

‘Can you imagine what he’s thinking, getting this message out of the blue at one in the morning?’ I say, and we’re both helplessly laughing, the kind that moves into hysteria the more you try to stop it, the kind that is impossible to explain to anyone not there in the moment with you.

‘See, I think this proves I don’t care about what other people think,’ Jesse says.

‘No, it doesn’t. The idea of not being cool terrifies you.’

‘I’m not cool though,’ he says.

‘Oh please. You only say that because you think a cool person would never admit to being cool. That a cool person wouldn’t identify with the word cool at all. Which is true, a cool person wouldn’t, but someone worried they’re not cool also wouldn’t.’

‘Help, I’m trapped by your logic.’

‘Just accept my psychological assessment and adjust your life accordingly.’

‘Okay, but you know what wasn’t on my list of flaws?’

‘What?’

‘Making fun of other people’s TV shows.’

‘Oh that’s on there. It’s just not in your top three. It’s, like, number twenty-two on the list.’

He laughs. ‘How long is this list?’

‘It doesn’t have a definite end point yet.’