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I laugh and wiggle out of his arms.

Graham’s car is a brand-new Audi, the kind of car I feel nervous even getting into because I’m sure I’ll scratch it or damage it in some way just with my presence.

‘I know what you’re probably thinking,’ Graham says.

‘I’m not thinking anything,’ I say. I’m thinking this might be the nicest car I have ever been in. I can’t imagine daring to eat a snack in here. There are so many high-tech-looking screens I feel like I’m in a rocket ship.

‘You’re thinking Hillary and me getting back together is a terrible idea.’

‘It’s really none of my business,’ I say, and I wonder how many times I will say this to this family and if any of them will ever actually listen.

‘I was not the best husband. I can own up to that. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life. But who hasn’t?’ he says.

Is that all the atoning he’s going to do, I wonder? Say who hasn’t and shrug?

‘We weren’t good for each other when the kids were little, but we both had big careers and, you know, we fought a lot. Who gets free time. Who gets to work late. Who makes dinner. Who gets to go golfing.’ He chuckles a little, glancing at me. Hillary doesn’t golf, so I assume that was always him.

I smile, not really sure what he wants from me in this conversation, and he keeps talking.

‘When I left Hil, I started seeing this other woman, and at first, I thought I would marry her, but I never felt quite right about it, and after we broke up, I met someone else, and still, it didn’t work, because I never felt it again—the feeling I had with Hil. I never found someone I loved more than her. For better or worse, she’s it for me, she’s the love of my life.’

‘Well, that’s…that’s really nice,’ I say. I wonder what Hillary would think of this speech. She never remarried either. Maybe she feels the same way.

‘That’s my advice, and I know young women of today like you don’t want advice from an old man like me, that it’s the last thing you want—Ettie has made that very clear—but for what it’s worth: if you find it, that feeling, don’t throw it away. Fight for it. Because it’s rare. You might never find it again.’

He parks his car at the park as he finishes this speech, which thankfully relieves me of having to respond, and we both get out.

‘This is where Hillary and I had our first date,’ he explains, as we walk to the rotunda.

‘Wait, really?’ I say.

‘Yes. We were both at university, it was summer, she was staying back here at her parents’ house, and my aunt and uncle had a beach house here. I would see her walking her family’s dog on the beach every day when I was out running and I finally worked up the courage to talk to her and I asked her out and then I realised, this town, especially back then, had nowhere to go for a date. There was the pub, but it was rough in those days. So I decided to go all out, I strung up lights around the rotunda, and brought my old boombox, and we had a picnic and it was a perfect night. And the rest is history.’

‘That sounds really nice,’ I say. Graham is confusing me. I have whiplash. He’s gone from villain to hero very quickly.

‘So I want to recreate our first date,’ he says. ‘What do you think? I’ll need your help to find room in her schedule this week.’

‘I think that’s doable,’ I say.

He smiles at me. ‘That’s the spirit.’

31

I RETURN TO the house with Graham’s words in my head. He’s made me feel mushy. And like I want to make a big, wild, romantic gesture. Because maybe I’m overthinking this whole thing and when I see Xavier I should just tell him everything I am feeling.

You’re the best sex of my life and I’m falling in love with you and I never want you to leave.

God, imagine. If he thought things with Lana moved too fast, what would he think of that? He’d run for the hills. I need to calm down. It’s dangerous letting a horny man in his sixties get into your head.

I walk into the house, and it’s still there, on the tip of my tongue, the urge to declare everything. To basically say please love me. No! Clamp it all down. Don’t wreck everything.

‘Sorry about my dad,’ Xavier says, when I walk back into the lounge room.

‘It’s fine.’

‘What was his big idea?’

‘It’s cute actually. He wants to recreate their first date.’