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I adjusted my chemise, convinced the fear of touch had reared its horrid head, and hugged my knees to my chest. “It’s all right, Tait.”

“It’s not.” His words muffled against the ground. When he looked at me, the crimson of his eyes lined the rim of his lashes. “I don’t know if I can…Damn the gods, you deserve someone who can give you more.”

My spine straightened. “Do not make me out as someone so selfish.”

“I didn’t say you were selfish.”

“But you did. I want you, Tait. You. I am not a woman who plans to turn away from the man I want all because there is a struggle he is trying to overcome. You are trying, and I see it. Perhaps I would not be willing to wait if you made no effort at all, if you did not care in the least. Let me ask you, if it was me who had such a challenge, but you could see the efforts I made to be free of it, would you turn up your nose and think you deserve better?”

His mouth parted like he planned to speak but could not find the words.

“You are enough for me,” I said, voice soft. “Look how much has changed already. Do you know how greatly I admire your trust and willingness to try to be something more with me?”

“I want so much with you,” he said after a moment. “But this, everything, it may be too much.”

I nodded. “How did it go when you bedded others?”

Tait’s mouth set. “It has never been a treasured experience.”

Something about this conversation stole light from his eyes.

“All right, uh—well, we’ll just keep trying. Truly. There is no pleasure in it for me if you are not enjoying yourself.”

“I was,” he said through gritted teeth. “I was enjoying it with you, but there are memories that are getting in the damn way. They kept taking me somewhere…” His words trailed off. Tait’s sharp eyes snapped back to me. “No. I don’t want them to own me anymore. They’re not taking this from me, from us.”

“What are you talking about? Who?”

“The ones whose hands I feel whenever different skin touches mine.”

I tilted my head. “You mean Harald? I understand his abuse left scars unseen—”

“Not Harald.” Tait sat back on his knees. “His scars gave me the darkness inside, the fear I might be like him with someone like you.”

“And I’ve already told you, not possible.”

One corner of his mouth quirked. “I’ve decided I’d cut off my own hands before I hurt you.”

I released my legs and moved nearer. The heaviness in his eyes hinted there was more he’d left unsaid. Gently, I placed one hand over the top of his. “If not Harald’s hands, then whose?”

Tait’s shoulders slumped. “Those who paid to use me.”

27

The Heartwalker

Truth was not always simple. There were times when the edges of honesty were sharp and cruel, slashing and cutting until a chest spliced open and only a shredded heart remained.

Words I never anticipated speaking to anyone now hung between me and Mira like an infection. One touch and it would spread, consuming the both of us.

Gods, the way my insides twisted in nerves at the simple notion of confessing how our fates were, in a way, horribly similar.

As though the gods-awful Norns had painted horrors in her past that mirrored my own. Tales she’d told of her family left me with a twisted glimmer of relief that out of anyone, this woman might understand.

Mira knelt in front of me. “What do you mean, paid to use you?”

Words burned on the tip of my tongue. Sweat coated my palms. “I told you that I feared the dark earth fae. He wanted war, but that wasn’t why he terrified me. Many in the Ever were not convinced it was wise to challenge the earth fae kingdoms. The king was still young, and Harald had grown more bitter and cruel over the turns. Noble houses with deep coffers needed to be persuaded.”

Mira’s eyes glistened. “Tait…”