Page 60 of The Christmas Letter

‘I’m fine,’ he said with a little shrug.

‘No chance of getting back together, then?’

His mum had liked Vanessa. She was impressed by her, in part, he thought – Vanessa was pure glamour, and the embodiment of a life that his mum had never really had. Not that they’d spent a lot of time together – Vanessa was part of his London life, his adult life, which his mum had only made fleeting appearances in.

‘Have you been getting out there? Meeting anyone new?’

He thought of Holly, of the way they’d shouted at each other in March. Thought of the way she’d looked in the castle grounds, humming with energy. How they’d left things, on an understanding that nothing could happen between them.

‘No,’ he said. ‘There’s no one new.’

‘Burgers are up!’ Derek called.

Jack headed to the barbecue at the same time as Theo slouched over. Theo looked a bit like him, Jack realised with a little jolt – it wasn’t something he’d ever noticed before. Like Mia, Theo had their mum’s lighter hazel eyes, but they had the same face shape, and Jack had had the same scrawny figure growing up – something he’d lamented at the time.

‘Hey, Theo,’ Jack said, and got a grunt in reply. He racked his brains for something to say. His mum had disappeared inside now to get the girls, and Derek was plating up the burgers. ‘How’s school?’

Theo gave him a look.

‘Sorry, that was lame.’

‘Yeah,’ Theo agreed.

‘Wait, but haven’t you just finished your GCSEs?’ Jack asked.

‘Got my last exam on Tuesday. History. I’m revising.’ He held up his phone as if to prove it, then took the burger that Derek was handing him and reached for the ketchup.

‘How have they gone?’

He shrugged. ‘Alright.’

Jesus, talk about drawing blood. Had it always been this tough to talk to him? Then again, he had nothing to compare it to. Theo had been two when Jack had moved out and Mia hadn’t even been born yet. He did remember Derek trying to engage him in conversation when he was sixteen, back when he and his mum had first started dating. He’d undoubtedly been even worse than Theo was now.

‘What are you doing for A levels?’ Theo made a face and Jack raised his eyebrows. ‘What?’

‘I didn’t want to go back for A levels,’ Theo said grudgingly. ‘But Mum’s making me.’

‘Well,’ Jack said diplomatically, ‘I suppose they’re useful if you want to go to university or whatever.’

Theo conceded with a kind of half-shrug as he took a bite of his burger. Then he looked down at Jack’s shoes, and spluttered, coughing up some bun. ‘Hey, are those LØCI shoes?’

Jack looked down at his feet, the grey and white high-tops he was wearing. ‘Ah, yeah, I guess so.’

‘I would love some, but Mum says they’re too expensive.’

‘Well, they are pretty expensive, I guess.’

‘So does that mean you’re rich?’

Jack laughed. ‘Not really. My job’s alright but London’s expensive, so it sort of balances out.’

‘I want to move to London,’ Theo said, his voice managing to be wistful even over a mouthful of burger.

‘You do?’

‘Yeah. Do you like it there?’

‘Ah . . .’ Jack took the burger Derek offered as he thought about that. ‘Well, if you love it, you love it and there’s nowhere else, but if you don’t . . .’