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He raises his eyebrows. “You want to go?”

She shrugs. “Yeah. If that’s okay.” She hates that she is asking permission—but they are his family, after all, not hers.

“Of course it is. If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure,” she says determinedly, shutting her laptop and getting to her feet. Because, do you know what, she doesn’t want to be here alone, stuck in a bedroom working while most people are off. She has plenty of things she could do, and she definitely needs to prepare for the call with Lillian Hart, but she decides, then and there, that those things can wait.

It ends up being a girls’ trip, seeing as Mark basically refuses to join, Finn and Mel are trying to limit their time together, and Hattie is still waiting for Dylan to arrive. Mel finds herself sandwiched in the back between Hattie and Freya’s car seat, and has a moment where the whole thing feels ludicrous, like she’s an impostor gate-crashing a perfectly happy family. A spy, sent to destroy them from the inside out.

Stop it, Melanie.

But she can’t quite quell the guilt.

They have to drive for what feels like actual hours to make it to the nearest big supermarket, and when they arrive Freya is desperate for a wee. Kristen takes her hand and they head off to try to find a toilet, while Hattie grabs a trolley. The supermarket is playing tinny Christmas tunes, an array of discounted Christmas decorations on sale right by the entrance.

Hattie throws a couple of “reduced to clear” advent calendars into her trolley, then grins at Mel. “Let’s supermarket sweep this.”

With that, she’s off, leaving Mel and Susan together, walking up the crowded aisle. Mel scans the list she made on her phone, holding a basket in her other hand.

“I’m glad I’ve got you alone, Mel,” Susan says. Mel looks up, immediately tense. Does Susan know? Is she going to call Mel out on it? “I wanted to say I’m so glad you and Finn worked things out.” Mel’s stomach clenches. “I could never understand it, what happened at Hattie’s party. I hoped Finn would come to his senses, talk to you. When two people love each other like you do, you should be together.”

Mel does her best to smile her agreement. Try telling Finn that, she wants to say. Although isn’t the fact that he broke up with her proof that he didn’t love her? Maybe he had, once. She used to be so, so sure of it—even before he’d told her. It had taken them a while to build up to the exchange, stating it out loud. They’d come close, and it had been implied, but neither of them had been brave enough to say it first.

It had been in a supermarket when he’d told her. She’d been weighing grapefruits in her hands, deciding which ones to pick for a grapefruit sorbet she wanted to make, and when she’d held them up for his opinion, he’d smiled at her.

I love you, Mel.

In a supermarket, slipped into the everyday. And that’s how she’d known that he meant it—it wasn’t him getting swept away in the moment. It was real. She still remembered the way her heart had stuttered, how she’d felt this fizzing in her stomach. How she’d felt settled, somehow, at the same time.

Right now, she hates him for that. For making her believe so fully that he would be hers forever—and for telling her in a supermarket, because—what?—is she supposed to avoid supermarkets for the rest of her life to avoid reminders of him? She angles the trolley away from the grapefruits as she and Susan meander through the fruit aisle, very firmly avoiding the citrus section.

“He was so unhappy when you broke up,” Susan continues. “It’s so nice to see him smiling again this holiday.”

Mel will have to take Susan’s word for it, that Finn was unhappy, because she’s not seen any evidence of that. It probably makes her a horrible person, though, that she’s a little glad to hear it. Better than if he’d been hosting parties and relishing his freedom. Now, though, he seems to have settled back into single life with joy, doesn’t he?

“It’s exactly what I love about Christmas,” Susan continues, “everyone being together.”

Mel is alarmed when Susan turns distinctly misty-eyed. She lays a hand on Susan’s arm. Susan’s slim fingers come up to grasp Mel’s. “Sorry, love. Here I am, getting all emotional over nothing. I’m just glad you gave things another go—that’s all.”

“Me too,” Mel says, the lie tasting bitter and ugly on her tongue. But what is she supposed to do? Fucking Finn. If he hadn’t asked her to do this, she’d never be in this situation. And now her mind is jumping forward to Boxing Day, to the promise she’d extracted from Finn. Is she really going to be able to do that? Is she really going to be able to watch Susan’s face as she does?

They walk again, Mel grabbing various vegetables for the sides she’s planning on making. She hesitates before asking, “Susan?”

“Hmmm?”

“How did you know it wasn’t right, to give things another go with Andrew?” She’d only met Finn’s dad once—and though he’d seemed friendly enough, he didn’t seem overly interested in her. Finn had put off the meeting as long as he could, reluctant to even introduce them, and Mel had guessed enough to know that Finn had been worried Mel would judge him, because of what his father was like.

“Sorry,” Mel adds quickly when Susan doesn’t answer, staring at the fresh herbs instead. “I mean, if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s obviously fine. I just—”

“No, I’m just thinking—that’s all. I suppose the thing is, with me and Drew, it was never right. I know this sounds silly, but even thirty or so years ago, it was a bit of a different time—at least in the type of household I’d grown up in. So when I got pregnant, it seemed like the right thing to do, to get married. It’s not like anything catastrophic would have happened if we hadn’t married, but we’d thought why not? We liked each other well enough—and I’d always wanted children. But, actually, Andrew never really loved me.”

Mel bites her lip. “I’m sure he—”

“No,” Susan says mildly. “He didn’t. And that’s okay—not everyone is destined for a great epic love story, despite what they portray in the movies. I didn’t need that. I wanted security and comfort—and I wanted to be a great mum. But that wasn’t enough for him. I imagine he’d cheated on me before we married, looking back, but I also know he wanted to believe that once we tied the knot, he’d stick it out. That it would be enough for him too. When we finally broke up, it felt like a relief, to be honest. No more pretending.”

Mel nods slowly. Is this what it’ll be like for her and Finn—will she look back, and think of it as a relief? But as much as she wants to believe she hates him—or, better, that she feels nothing for him anymore—she just can’t get there. She doesn’t think she could ever look back on her time with Finn and wish anything other than to be back there, with him.

“So how come you didn’t get divorced sooner?” It’s something she’s always wondered, when Finn explained a little of what his dad was like, but she’s never had the courage to ask before. She supposes the fact she knows she only has a few more days with his family is making her more ballsy.