Page 47
The music stops, a brief pause in between songs. Enough of a pause to make her come to her senses.
She backs away, out of his grip. “I need some air.” And without thinking about how it looks to anyone who might be watching, she turns and practically sprints outside.
She’s taken her first gulp of freezing night air as Finn appears behind her.
“You forgot your coat.”
She swipes it from him, hitching in a breath that sounds alarmingly like a sob.
“Mel, I—”
She spins to face him. “What are you doing?”
“What are we doing” would perhaps be more appropriate, but she wants to blame him for what nearly happened in there.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”
She gives a scathing laugh. “Of course you weren’t.” His eyes flash and he takes a step toward her, but she edges back, out of reach. “You wanted to prove you could still turn me on, is that it? That I still find you attractive? Well, point proven.” The words spit from her, her anger scorching the freezing air. She’s angry at herself as well, because that’s what she’d been trying to prove, too, wasn’t it? Only she’d got lost in it.
“I wasn’t trying to prove anything.”
Another bitter laugh, and it is easier to direct all her anger outward. “Oh, come on, Finn. Let’s be honest here.”
Another step toward her. This time, she stands her ground, and has to tilt her head up to look at him.
“You want honesty? Fine. Maybe I wanted the reassurance that you still feel something—that what we were to each other hasn’t just disappeared.” The confession—and what he’s saying—startle Mel enough so that she doesn’t immediately jump in with a taunting remark. “Maybe I felt a bit relieved to see that it’s not just me who is finding this”—he gestures between them—“all a bit difficult.” He lowers his voice, and the space between them feels dangerous, too close. She should move back. She really should. “And maybe, Mel, I just can’t fucking help myself when I’m around you, okay?” He scrapes a hand through his hair. “I was going to kiss you.” She swallows, and she can’t help her gaze from darting to his mouth. She can feel the heat of his body traveling between them, fighting against the cold around them. She wants, so badly, to move into that heat. “But I didn’t plan it. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
She steps back. Tries to dredge up the anger that was there in force only seconds ago. “You’re the one who ended things,” she bites out. “You don’t get to play games with me.” Whereas she does. Is that what she’s saying? God, her head hurts, temples throbbing like there is so much within her, trying to get out. She wants it to have gone away, this feeling. But love doesn’t just disappear, does it? It takes time to build it, to fall in love bit by bit as you open up to someone—or that’s how it had been for her. She has been trying to do the same in reverse, to unravel the love, piece by piece—only she hadn’t quite got there before he showed up again.
The smile he gives her is sad. “It’s not a game, Mel. It never was with you.”
She feels tears stinging her eyes, her emotions a bloody roller coaster. She turns her face away, feeling the sting of ice-cold wind on her cheeks. He reaches out to her, his hand going to cup her face. She squeezes her eyes shut.
“Don’t.”
It’s a whisper, a plea. And he drops his hand.
“I’m sorry, Mel,” he murmurs. Sorry for what, she wants to ask. Breaking up with her? Asking her to come here? Nearly kissing her? Making her fall for him in the first place?
She blows out a long, unsteady breath. “Let’s just get through the rest of this holiday, okay?”
There’s a long pause. Then, “Okay.” He jerks his head down the road. “Come on. Let’s try and get a taxi.”
Mel thinks that’s a long shot, but at that moment the pub door opens and Hattie and Dylan come out. Hattie is hunched in her coat, and won’t quite meet Dylan’s eye.
Mel shakes her head, the action sad. “Looks like the party’s over, in any case.” Over. She repeats it firmly as they walk in silence back to the car. There will be no more dancing with him, no more holidays, no more hanging out with Priya, just the three of them.
It’s over, Melanie.
But that is not what she clings on to as they drive home, four of them squished in the backseat. Instead, it is his voice that keeps turning around in her mind, rough and raw.
And maybe, Mel, I just can’t fucking help myself when I’m around you.
Chapter Sixteen
Two and a half years ago
Two years until Hattie’s engagement party
