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“I know that look.” She rests her chin on my shoulder. “That is a I am thinking about a certain someone who I pretend I am not thinking about look.”
“Koko.” I step away, not wanting to have this conversation. Koko takes the hint and instead flops on my bed.
“I know we’re not supposed to talk about him, but I really think you should call M—”
“No,” I cut her off. “Don’t say it. I—”
My chin wobbles, and I can’t get words out. But she nods knowingly. “Okay. Okay. I promise. Just you and me and fun this week.”
During the day, Koko combs Bold Street and Renshaw for vintage treasures to take back to her shop while I grind away at more of my thesis. At night, we head to Duke Street for noodles or Cantonese or my new favorite Tianjin cuisine before we head home to my tiny flat and talk until it’s time to fall asleep.
Koko makes good on her promise. She doesn’t mention he who shall not be named until the very last morning, when she catches me staring wistfully at my phone again.
“You do remember you told him not to text you, right?” she asks, meeting my surprised eyes with a knowing single-eyebrow raise.
“I know.” I flip over my phone. “It’s just…I wish for once he’d argue with me.”
Koko zips up her carry-on bag and slides the straps over the handles of her suitcase. “What does that mean?”
“I know I told him that I needed space and that we should make a clean break, but I guess a part of me also hoped he’d disagree with me for once.”
Koko flops down on the end of my bed. “I am totally getting why it would have been utterly romantic for him to have chased you through the airport yelling “Come back, Annalise,” but we both know he wouldn’t have made it through security, and more important, he was doing what you asked him to do.”
I nod. “I agree. It’s stupid.”
Koko sits up and reaches for my hand. “Stupid or not, I do know that he misses you terribly. He talks about it all the time.”
“You talk to him?” The idea makes my lungs feel heavy and the rest of me lightheaded.
Koko nods. “Not as often as I talk to you, but yeah, we catch up about once a month. He usually lets me drone on about store stuff before he casually slips in some sort of way to ask if I have heard from you. I am very aware I’m being cajoled for info, but I’m willing to take one for the cause.”
There’s a reason I’ve not let myself think too long about him—it’s because of exactly this. In less than three seconds, I am back where I was up on the rooftop, heart ripped wide open and questioning everything.
“And just in case you wanted to know, he’s in Pensacola now, not Nashville,” Koko says.
My geographical knowledge takes a moment to kick in. “Florida?”
She nods. “He’s staying with Edwin until September, wrapping things up. Just thought I’d put it out there, since we are heading to an airport, and I know you don’t have any reason to be back in Liverpool until Thursday.”
I glance at my dresser, where my passport sits in the top drawer.
“I can’t.” I shake my head as if it will erase the thoughts quickly forming inside my brain.
“Why not?” Koko gets up from the bed. “You are clearly not over him, and he’s very much still in love with you. This has happily ever after written all over it.”
My heart begins to beat faster, and I don’t know if it’s the fear or the idea that what she is saying is even possible.
“Come on, Annalise. Don’t you still love him?” Koko asks.
“More than anything.”
“We have time to pack a bag.”
I take two steps toward the closet and stop. I love him. I had thought being apart all these months was going to dull that feeling, that the dopamine would wear off, and my rational brain would kick in, and maybe it has, but it’s saying the same thing as my heart.
We are meant to be together.
And maybe it’s not some cosmic force determining that. Maybe it’s just that he makes me happy, and I make him happy, and although there are no guarantees that will be enough, it’s enough that I know I don’t want to be without him.
