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Sickness churns deep inside my gut, and for once, it has nothing to do with the pregnancy. Six pulls me against him and buries his face in my neck. I thought he’d fallen asleep, but it seems I’m not the only insomniac tonight.

“Promise me. Promise me you’ll return to me,” I whisper, blinking against the threat of tears. “I’ve lost everything and everyone I love, except for you. If something happens to you down there, know that I won’t forgive myself. That I will punish myself for not doing everything in my power to stop you.”

“There’s nothing you can do, Wren. Your fate is certain. Mine isn’t. Therefore, my will is stronger than yours when it comes to this.”

I close my eyes over a trickle of tears that fall against the pillow beneath me. “Do you remember the nights you would sneak into my room, after Papa fell asleep? When we’d lie in the dark and kiss until the sun came up?”

“Yes. Those moments were my salvation.”

“Mine, too. I remember staring into your eyes and knowing I would never love another for as long as I lived. I’d never even experienced that kind of love before, and yet, there I was, no more than a teenager, certain I’d met my other half.” I lift his hand to my lips and kiss his knuckles. “When I thought I’d lost you, I was prepared to live out the rest of my life alone. But I’m not that strong anymore, Six.” Twisting around, I curl myself into his chest and lift my gaze to his. His beautiful, scarred face passes beneath my fingertips as I drag my finger down his cheek. “My love for you is beyond what it was, and it would physically crush me to lose you. There is no life without you by my side.”

“Which is why I have to do this, Wren. There is no life for me without you.” He leans forward, slanting his lips over mine in a soft and tender kiss. “I love you, Little Bird.”

“I love you, too.”

Chapter 19

Cali

Gregor fits a camera to Rhys’s head, overtop of one of four black hazmat suits that Jed supplied, ones similar to those worn by Legion, complete with gas masks. In his lab days, Jed apparently headed the emergency response teams, and he kept a limited supply of suits, in the event he would need them again. It was decided the four going into the old lab would be more at risk than those venturing into the hospital, so the suits have been allocated to them.

“What about guns?” Brandon asks, as he stands leaning against the wall of Gregor’s study. “How do we protect ourselves?”

“They’d pose more risk of blowing something up down there. Besides, guns will be useless against both mutations and Ragers.”

“What’s the difference? Isn’t a mutation a Rager?” The one I’ve come to know as Tinker, the gadget man of the group, asks the question, which isn’t what I’d consider dumb by any means. Even after all the years I’ve spent in Calico, knowing of the experiments performed there, I still don’t quite know the difference.

“A mutation is a failed attempt at either activating, or introducing, the Alpha gene in a subject that harbors active infection. They found that the two didn’t play nice together inside many subjects, and produced deformities over time. A Rager doesn’t typically carry the Alpha gene.” Jed zips up his suit, leaving the hood hanging off the back of his neck. “As for how to protect yourself? Well, I suppose that’s why we brought along three strapping Alphas. There is no other way. You can try to jab a knife into their skulls, but you’d have to get close enough.”

“Unless you don’t need to get close,” Titus adds, stuffing his blade into a side holster. Throwing blades happens to be one of his finer talents, something I learned when a man from one of the hives we visited attempted to hold me hostage when we tried to leave. One minute, the stranger had a blade propped to my throat. The next, he was lying on the ground with a blade sticking out of his skull.

“Wren and I will watch you on this monitor,” Gregor interrupts, pointing to a small screen on his desk. “I’ve charged the batteries, so you should get a good forty-eight hours out of the camera.” Only Rhys is equipped with an in-suit camera, which is attached to his head behind the face shield of his suit. “There’s an external comm, to communicate between suits, and I’ve adjusted the volumes to low. Your packs include flashlights, water, flares, and a small bit of dried meat. I would advise you to get in and out quickly, as those supplies will dwindle fast.”

Wren stands off to the side, and there’s no doubt her anxiety levels are probably off the charts right now, as she shifts back and forth on her feet, hands fidgeting all the while. If I didn’t know the reason behind her unrest, I’d think she’d gotten into the peyote.

Cadmus also slides a blade into his side holster and tucks his shirt into his pants. Slung tight across his chest and arms, the fabric makes him look even more massive, if that’s possible. “I know you’ll refuse,” he says, staring down at me. “But I wish you’d consider staying behind, as well.”

“Not a chance. If Valdys is locked inside, I want to find him.”

“This isn’t like the Calico we knew, Cali. I’m pissing myself a little, thinking about going back there.” His brows flicker with the unsettled look I’ve come to know. “I told you I’d go back for you, in spite of being scared shitless.”

I have to look away, to hide the guilt he’ll surely see swirling in my eyes. Of any of us, Cadmus has the most to fear going into those tunnels. Whether his experience before was real, or illusion, doesn’t matter, because his brain will undoubtedly see it as lucid as he remembers it to be. “You don’t have to do this, Cadmus. You don’t have to come with us.”

“What? Let Titus take all the credit for saving Valdys?” He snorts and shakes his head. “To hell with that. And what’s the alternative?” Leaning into me, he gives a furtive glance around and lowers his voice. “Stay here with the others and watch you die on screen? I’d sooner cut out my own fucking heart.” Cadmus has a fierce way of showing love. One that sounds more insult than affection at times.

“I can take care of myself.”

“You can.” He pushes a strand of hair behind my ear, seeming momentarily distracted by the gesture, until his eyes find mine again and he drags his finger down my cheek. These futile affections are nothing more than vestiges of his old self. Tokens of a man who has resigned himself to his own ruination. “I like taking care of you, Sunshine. Gives me something to do.”

Unlike before, there is no hidden meaning, or agenda, to Cadmus’s words. When he says this to me, he genuinely means it.

“You could be free. Roaming the desert. Having all the women. What’s left of them, anyway.” I snort to keep the ache from touching my heart, but it’s too late. His words have already embedded deep inside me. “You don’t have to stay with me, Cadmus. It’s okay to make a life for yourself. To find love and feel love in return.”

“You don’t love me, Cali?” His lip quirks with a sad but devious smile--the wily grin of the man I once knew, and I push up onto my tiptoes, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“My mother used to tell me, when you love something enough, you let it go.”

“Except Valdys.”