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Staring up at Valdys, I search his eyes for any hesitation, any reservations about these people, and though he looks pensive, as always, he doesn’t seem troubled by the offer. “What do you think?”
He strokes his hand down the back of my hair. “As long as I get to sleep beneath the stars, beside you, doesn’t matter where it is.”
With a smile, I nod and turn back to Wren. “I guess we’ll head east, then.”
We find Titus sitting beside the fire, his eyes lost to unseen thoughts, and as Valdys heads off to check on Atticus, I plop down beside him. “Are you okay?”
A slow and solemn nod accompanies his tight-lipped expression.
“I had a dream about him last night.” I rub my hands together for distraction, the agony of seeing Cadmus alone in that tunnel tugging at my heart. “Every time I close my eyes, I hear him screaming, while those things drag him away.”
“He didn’t feel much pain.” Titus clears his throat and sniffs. “Settled down pretty quickly.”
There’s some comfort in that, though I don’t think that’s why Titus is telling me this. I think he needs to hear it himself. To believe the words, so that he, too, can lay it to rest in his mind.
“I guess we’re going east. Some community like Szolen, but better.”
Letting his gaze fall to the ground, Titus shakes his head. “I’m not going.”
The news is a punch to my chest, rendering me momentarily speechless.
“Talked to Atticus last night. Think we’re going to stay back.”
“And do what? Roam the desert?” It’s anger getting the best of me, frustration at the thought of having to leave him behind, too.
“Just don’t see myself settling down in some make-believe town like that.”
I get it. For those of us who didn’t grow up in the world of our parents, who never knew the conveniences of that life, it seems frivolous. Like stepping into the pages of a book that we’ll eventually have to set aside for our reality.
But I’ve grown tired. Tired and weary of a world that constantly requires payment for survival. Sacrifice for its time. For once, I’d like to wake with some small measure of security, even if it’s only temporary. Even if the idea of paradise is only an illusion.
Still, I’ll miss my friend. My protector for all those months when I could hardly force myself to get up and face the day ahead. Without Titus and his unyielding belief that Valdys was still alive, I might not have lasted so long.
Taking his hand in mine, I run my thumb over the rough, calloused texture of his skin. The hands that have killed for me, and for some reason the thought brings tears to my eyes. “You have to do what your heart tells you. Always.”
“You’re going to be okay, Cali. You have Valdys now.”
I wonder if this is how it would’ve been with Cadmus. If he would’ve opted to stay along with Titus, or traveled east with us.
“Don’t beat yourself up over Cadmus too much. Without you, he probably wouldn’t have made it long out here. You gave him some purpose and direction.”
I snort a tearful laugh and squeeze his hand. “You never gave him much credit, did you?” I tease.
“He was my brother. Much as we fought, a part of me died with him. But it’s true. If he was ever capable of loving something in this world, I’m pretty sure it was you.”
Blinking, I look around, trying to keep his words from touching my emotions, but I’m frazzled and frayed. “If that’s supposed to make me feel better, it doesn’t.”
His lips stretch to a smile, and I can’t be certain, but I think it’s the first time I’ve seen Titus smile, at all. “Well, know this …. He told me, if it weren’t for you, he’d have probably taken up with me.”
A burst of laughter explodes from my chest, imagining Cadmus telling Titus such a thing, and the look on Titus’s face that would have followed.
“I can’t picture that. I mean, a part of me is intrigued, but--”
“No. No fucking way.” He shakes his head and lifts my hand to his lips, kissing the back of my palm. “You take care. Thanks for not giving up on my brother.”
“Thank you for not giving up on him.” I lean in and wrap my arms around him, burying my face in his neck, and the tears finally make their escape. “Or me.”
“Not a chance.”