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“Yes. Please.” I reach out a trembling hand to him, and he lurches forward to set it into my palm. Just out of my grasp, he tosses the vial over his shoulder.
“No!” I jump to my feet for it, and the guards take hold of me. With a hard swing, I crack one of them in the face and follow the punch with a kick to his balls.
A cold smack sends me tumbling to the ground. A boot slams into my stomach, curling me into myself. Another plows into my back, the pain rattling up my spine.
Titus grunts and wheezes, clawing at the ground for me.
I crawl over the dirt toward him. “Titus …” Our fingertips only just touch when he collapses, his whole body going still. “Titus?” I frown at his lack of movement. That he doesn’t rouse when I say his name. A bleak, snaking reality slithers over my neck. The air in my lungs turns thick, so thick, I can’t breathe. “Titus?”
Nothing. Not a single flicker of life.
Sounds that echo through the forest are my misery ripping free from my chest. The whole world seems to stop spinning, and I’m frozen in this moment.
The rough, calloused surface of his fingertip brushes over mine. Hands, so worn and tired and mutilated, that touched me with such reverence. They don’t so much as twitch now.
Memories rewind to the day I first saw him, walking into the arena. How magnificent he was. So much bigger than the world around me, even then. So much stronger.
A cold hollow in my chest expands across my ribs, and I shake my head in disbelief.
No. Not Titus.
Arms reach for me, trying to drag me from him, but I push them away. I want to curl up beside him, fall asleep and never wake.
The hands grip harder, the ground ripping into my knees as forces outside of us try to tear us apart.
Forces stronger than me.
He’s gone. My Titus. My Alpha.
My love.
“Rest now, my brave soldier. Forevermore,” I whisper to him, as if we’re the only ones here. As if the other men don’t stand over me in mocking laughter.
As if my words are a promise.
Chapter 39
I believe the heart breaks in stages.
All at once would kill us. Knowing this, Nature shields the majority of pain behind denial and false hope, so that only a fissure actually touches the heart. It’s over several hours, days, when reality begins to settle in, the hope fades, and the full weight of agony bears down on the fragile organ, crushing us with the truth. And by then, we’re so lost in misery, we hardly notice the lack of breath. The emptiness. The endless void that pulls us to the very depths of despair.
Weak with thirst and exhaustion, I stare off into the pitch black cell, where I’ve been kept for an indeterminate amount of time, with no food. No water. No light. The stench of death clings to the air, and my guess is, they stuffed me away in a cell where something recently died. The Rager. Maybe Lindsay. I have no idea where they’ve kept me.
Every second in this hell, my mind has tormented me with the final moments of Titus. It’s hard to tell if the images inside my head are those of dreams, or waking moments, as darkness never lifts.
My body begins to slump against the stone walls, scraping across the gritty surface, and the wounds on my back from my last whipping flare to life. They’ll be infected, I’m certain of it, but it doesn’t matter anymore.
Nothing matters anymore.
The darkness has been tugging at me for hours, and I want to slip into its embrace, fall asleep and never wake. Perhaps I’ll see Titus in those dreams. I’ll run to him and get swept up in his strong embrace.
Yes, that’s where I want to go.
The door opens to a flickering beam of light. A tray of food is pushed into the cell, before the shadows crawl over the room as the door closes once more.
The scent of meat hangs on the air, and I scramble on hands and knees. Patting around, I knock my hand against tin and silverware, clanging the metal while I blindly search for the food. The gamey flavor of whatever animal they’ve prepared is a minor displeasure, as I tear the meat from the bone with my teeth like an animal, and lick the salty grease from my fingers. I guzzle the cup of stale water, ignoring the slight odor to it. I’ve no idea what I’ve eaten, or drank, only that it fills my belly for now.
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