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“It is.” I swallow back the doubts creeping up my spine when his eye scans over me, appraising me, no doubt. The man is so astute and perceptive, I’m certain he can pick up the slightest tremble in my body, before I even realize it’s there, myself.
The panic from before churns in my stomach, and even I can feel my body shivering with the phantom sensations that linger on the fringes.
Next, he tears away a strip from the sheet and ties a blindfold over my eyes, eliminating the safety of knowing it’s Titus.
It’s Titus, my thoughts echo.
“You’re certain about this?”
Swallowing a hard lump in my throat, I nod.
He hikes my leg up, wrapping it around his back, and already, I can feel the power in his body that sets him apart from Remus. “If it becomes too much, tell me to stop, and I will. I promise you, I will.”
“I know. I trust you.” My stomach flips on itself, and when he guides his tip to my entrance, alarms blare inside my head. The images there claw at me, like Ragers looking to consume me alive, and through panting breaths, I curl my fingers around his hand that binds my wrists together, holding onto the present.
Titus.
He notches himself inside of me, gripping tight to my thigh as he inches deeper and deeper, stretching me with each tiny thrust.
Another gentle breeze brushes over me, hardening my nipples, the distraction bringing to mind a memory of Remus slapping my breasts, laughing at them as he referred to them as the udders of a cow.
Lips latch onto the sensitive peaks, suckling me, drawing me out of that horrific thought, and at the sound of Titus moaning, I’m transported back. To here. Right now. With him.
He palms the other, balancing the constant contact, as he licks and sucks, pumping in and out of me in lazy, unhurried thrusts. “I can’t deny, seeing you like this stirs something fierce inside of me.” The husky tone of his voice, heavy with lust, stokes the flames he’s ignited inside of me.
Each time the visuals of the past seep into my consciousness, Titus somehow casts them away with a touch, his mouth, or his words.
He drives his hips forward to the hilt, his teeth scraping over my nipple, and I cry out in pleasure. “I’m sorry,” he says, with breathless remorse.
“I’m fine. You don’t have to treat me like I’m fragile.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
He can’t hurt me. He can’t possibly hurt me more than I’ve already been hurt.
I want the pain. I want to feel something again. I need to know that bastard didn’t break me. “I said, I’m fine. It’s fine.”
He strokes a hand down my damp hair and slants his lips over mine. “I know what this is, Thalia. I’ve felt this anger too. Just promise me you won’t punish yourself with it.”
I’m grateful that he can’t see the tears. That he isn’t privy to the thoughts inside my head, the doubts I have about myself.
“I need to know that I’m not dead inside.” In the pitch blackness of my blindfold, I try to imagine the expression on Titus’s face right now. The pity in his stare. “I want the anger. The rage. The fear of being alive. I want you to fuck me. Hard.”
A long pause follows, his cock still fully embedded inside of me.
“No,” he finally says. “I won’t be the one to hurt you like that.”
“It doesn’t hurt anymore, Titus. That’s the problem. I’ll crawl out of my skin if you try to be sweet and gentle with me right now.”
Remus happened to me, but I want to take back the power. The control. I want to feel all those fears from before without cowering to the memories and letting them crush me. “Do it,” I whisper.
“Okay. If that’s what you need, then I’ll do it. For you.”
My body flips around, and he bands one arm across my belly, taking hold of my hair. He tips my head back, scraping his teeth over my earlobe. “But I’m going to fuck those nightmares out of you for good, Thalia.” He slides back inside me and ups the pace of his thrusts, and in the darkness, I see all the images flitting past behind my shuttered lids, none of which pause long enough for me to recall them.
New memories filter in. Visuals of staring down at myself from a bird’s eye view, watching Titus taking me from behind. The trees swaying overhead. The moon shining down, it’s silvery beams touching our skin in sparkles of light.
Beautiful.