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I prayed at night hoping that if God helped Matthew find his way to me, I would never be that weak woman again. I would never second guess myself and I would start learning myself and embracing me more so I could embrace the real people around me and actually love in a healthy way.

I even started thinking and trying to figure out the strong attraction that I had for Matthew. It confused me because, before him, several men walked through his restaurant. Not once did I ever feel the urge to give any of them a second glance. Once my eyes landed on Matthew’s gray orbs, I couldn’t stop staring. So, what was it, that drew us to each other?

I observed Matthew and studied him like I had to take a state exam. He was quiet but not the shy kind of quiet. He was a storm kind of quiet that sneaks up on you, you don’t know it’s there until it rattles you. I missed him and this time I was able to appreciate him even more despite his own mental battles.

In fact, that was the answer. Our mental state of minds collided and that is what led the attraction into a full attack.

I sat in a curled-up position on the floor, watching Heaven sleep peacefully and what was supposed to be our new home. The house was nice, I give it that. This was not going to be my final residence and I was determined to get out of this situation.

Jarei was in the room fucking his new baby mother. On arrival, when I got here, and noticed her, I couldn’t even be mad. I just laughed as hard as I could. I didn’t feel hurt or even surprised. This man was out of his mind and that was clearly evident. She had the same apricot skin color as me, she was even a little bigger. That confused me too. He talked down on my weight but went and got a chick that was even heavier than I.

Her stomach was big and round, meaning their baby was coming any day. When I really thought about it, I couldn’t do anything but shake my head. Jarei wanted me to assist this young-looking girl who didn’t look no older than eighteen, raise his new kid like I did his Jr.

He beat Laioma, I could tell by the bruises and marks on her. When she looked at him, she had that look I used to have. Desperate for his love and would go along with anything he said. Jarei kept saying how much money he had and how much of a king he was now. Money got to his head, and Laioma seemed excited.

She approached me in the kitchen as I made dinner for Heaven and told me how she thinks we should get alone and do things to make shit easier on Jarei. I cursed her out and refrained from putting hands on her stupid ass when she asked if it was cool to eat me out and us bump cookies to satisfy Jarei. Bitch was crazy and her age was on full display.

See I had already discovered how much Jarei wanted power and control. He wanted to feel like somebody. That’s why he got women similar to me. Weak-minded and low when it came to insecurities and loving themselves. I passed that level. All I wanted right now was to become a better woman for my daughter.

I end up falling asleep in the full-size bed with Heaven, snuggled up underneath the blankets. The main relief I had was not having to sleep with Jarei. He had his new baby mother to impose that on.

It had to be the middle of the night when I felt the cold metal of the tip of Jarei’s gun. I could smell the liquor on his breath, and I cringed at the sight of his average size hard dick.

“I’m sick of you acting like we not fenna be a family Praylah. Now either you get with this shit or have your brains decorating our Heaven.” I trembled with fear. Jarei looked like he was on more than alcohol. The look in his eyes as I sat up and quietly stood to my feet let me know that I had better comply and not fight back.

“Good fucking girl, now walk.” I looked over at Heaven and was relieved that she remained sound asleep. Heaven always slept hard at night and didn’t like her sleep interrupted.

We finally made it inside of Jarei’s room and Laioma laid in the middle of the bed with her rose toy glued to her clit. She moaned and rotated her hips as her eyes fluttered towards were me and Jarei stood.

“Strip the fuck down and lay on the bed Praylah.” My stomach felt nauseous, I wanted to throw up everywhere but also had to remember Jarei had a gun up to my head just seconds ago. He was deranged and I didn’t need him going off the deep end with my daughter in the other room. I took my clothes off and got on the bed next to Laioma.

I could barely get on my back and she was kissing all over my body. My first reaction was to kick her in the face but didn’t want to accidentally hurt her since she was pregnant. Jarei stood next to us with his dick in his hands stroking himself fast. I saw that he still had the gun so I just laid there with tears rolling down the sides of my face.

“Eat her pussy, Laioma. Tell me how that shit taste.” Bile rose in my throat as I continued to lay there and not make a move or sound. Laioma’s cool tongue attached to my clit and she sucked on it softly like she was sucking on a baby dick. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine Matthew, her hands ran up my stomach all the way to my full breast. She pinched my nipples then flattened her tongue and ate me like her life depended on it.

I hated that it felt good when this was a violation. I heard Jarei sit his gun down on the nightstand and opened my eyes. The bed dipped, Jarei got behind Laioma and entered her roughly causing her face to push forward, spreading my pussy lips further.

“Y’all my bitches! You know you love this shit Praylah. That nigga could never give you the best of both worlds like I can.” He grunted and pumped faster inside of Laioma. She was so caught up in ecstasy that she was no longer licking and sucking on my sensitive bud. Her nose and mouth were bumping up against my flesh as she moaned between my legs. Jarei closed his eyes and kept talking, slurring at his words.

He was too drunk to even focus on me, I slowly reached for the gun right next to the bed on the nightstand. I didn’t want to move too much and get Jarei’s attention. Relief washed over me as I stared at the gun like it was foreign. I never held a gun a day in my life and my adrenaline was in overdrive. Did I really want to do this? That was the question that kept running through my brain every couple of seconds.

The more I thought about it the more I felt it was the right thing to do. Look how far he took all of this. How much pain and suffering I had to endure. I swallowed down hard and bit at my bottom lip and held the gun up, aiming it at Jarei. His body shook as he held on to Laioma’s ass cheeks nutting all over it.

“Fuck this pussy so damn good.” He opened his eyes and stared at me with his large hands still gripping Laioma’s butt.

“The fuck you gone do with that, bitch?” He smirked at me, my hands shook, and my bottom lip couldn’t stop trembling. I could feel the tears rolling down the sides of my face.

“I love you Jarei, but…. Ummm, you’re like a virus to me and Heaven’s life.” Laioma sat up, she saw the gun and placed her head back down begging me not to shoot. I was in a zone, eyes locked in to Jarei’s. Nothing she was saying was moving me in a way to put the gun down.

“I can’t let you keep doing me wrong then making me suffer. I have to be a better mom to Heaven. I can’t keep being on this fucking rollercoaster with you.” My voice kept cracking and my heart felt like a knife was being plunged deep inside of it. I had my finger on the trigger, but I just couldn’t pull it just yet.

“Bitch you out of your fucking mind!” He lunged forward and everything happened so fast. Laioma sat up screaming and caught the first bullet to the center of her head. I screamed loud as Jarei yelled and screamed out all kinds of fucked up things. In the midst of him trying to jump on me, he caught two bullets to his chest. Still on my back, I shot at the ceiling feeling like I couldn’t stop.

I heard a bunch of noise outside the door but couldn’t seem to snap out of the trance I was in. I just killed three people; this wasn’t the plan. I didn’t know what the plan was, but I didn’t mean to kill Laioma. Scared shitless, I thought I was dreaming when I saw Matthew and two other people standing beside him. All of their guns were drawn, pointing in my direction.

I looked down between my legs and saw Laioma’s blood. It sickened me to see her laid out on her side with her eyes wide open. I looked at her belly and became overwhelmed with guilt.

“So much fuckin blood. God! What have I done?” I looked at all the blood as my heart sped up. I became so dizzy and couldn’t seem to calm myself. Before I knew it the room was spinning and I stopped thinking anything as my body went limp, I could feel myself slipping and falling until all blackness overcame me.