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He disagreed and told me to keep it. By the time we finished talking my eyes felt heavy as hell. I wanted to talk a little more but felt too tired to do so.

I thought about Era, and Ju’well, I couldn’t wait to call them. I didn’t want to move back with my parents but after talking to Praise, I felt it was best. I would need their help with Heaven while trying to get back on the right track.

Praise left, leaving me standing by the door with my head bowed, forehead touching the door.

“We have to sleep in my other master suite on the other side of the house. I let your parents take over my room to be close to Heaven.” My body froze then calmed at the sound of his voice. I turned slowly to meet Matthew’s eyes. His face held a painful look.

I made my way to him and tilted my head back to look in his sorrowful eyes.

“I’m sorry Pray.” He looked away for a couple of seconds. I noticed the posture in his shoulders had changed. They were slumped like he was defeated.

He leaned down, I closed my eyes and awaited his lips to meet mine. Instead, he placed his big lips on my forehead and kissed it repeatedly. Grabbing each side of my face, he held it softly. I shivered a little from his chilled hands but it felt so comforting to the point of me feeling calmness from his gentle but rough touch.

“When I met you and saw the look in your eyes, I knew that God sent you to me. We were both troubled with some shit. I made a note to treat you right, because God gifted me and sent you my way. Right now, I feel like I have failed you Sugar mommy.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked away, leaving me with my heart throbbing out for him in pain. I could feel how he felt and I wanted to make sure that he knew that none of this was his fault. I followed behind him thinking about what I could say to convey that he did what was suppose to be done. Him coming after me, guns drawn and ready to go to war, showed and told me everything I needed to know.

Chapter Thirty-Three

DEBO

My mood had soured, I was pumped up on the way to save Praylah. When I got there and saw her naked body covered in blood it took a whole lot of self-control to refrain from going into overkill. She saved herself and a part of me was happy that she showed that she could be strong. It just didn’t sit right with me that I came too late, there was no telling what all that sick nigga Sosa had done to her.

Seeing her in such a state of shock unnerved me to the point of feeling weak as hell. I didn’t like feeling weak, just like I didn’t like seeing myself standing right in front of me looking like a demon. I leaned up against the bathroom door and just watched her soak. I didn’t want to leave her, I wanted her in my sight at all times.

“You’re quiet.” She relaxed her head against the bath pillow that I tucked behind her for comfort. I sighed and kept my eyes locked in with hers.

“Just thinking, Pray.” I told her, not wanting to disrupt her peace.

“I don’t want you to think you failed me, Matthew. You’ve done a lot for me.” Her soft ass voice always did something to me.

“I ain’t done enough, so don’t settle for what I have done, Pray.” I huffed in displeasure. I wanted to make sure Praylah forgot all about that nigga Sosa. In my mind though, I knew it would take some time.

“I’m not as weak as you think, Matthew. I know that nothing scares you, but stuff scares and intimidates me. I’m not ashamed to admit that. I don’t need you to hold my hand and carry me through life.” She sat up in the water and I watched the bubbles trickle down her slick wet skin. I couldn’t help the feeling of my dick rising to attention at the sight of her curvaceous body. Her titties looked so fucking plump and sexy that my mouth started to water.

“I’m scared of something Pray, that’s losing you. I’m scared that if I go away and get some help to be better for myself and our daughter Heaven that you will forget about me and move on. Then that might make me super crazy forgetting about all the help that I’m trying to go and get.” I expressed my true feelings, eyes never wavering. That was the main thing that had me second thinking about leaving her.

I felt like leaving her now would result into some other shit. I didn’t want her slipping off into one of her deep depression episodes and forgetting to take care of herself properly. Her parents reassured me that she would be fine but even with their words I didn’t believe that shit. She hid shit well from them so who’s to say she wouldn’t continue to hide the severity of her mental state of mind.

I didn’t want both of us to depend on pills for the rest of our lives. I wanted to get to a point where if I did hear a voice or hallucinate, I wouldn’t even give it the attention that I had been giving that voice and figure. She remained quiet and I appreciated that momentarily, I wanted to enjoy the sight of her body.

“I know that you have to leave and I’m proud of you, its giving me the encouragement that I need to trust my parents with Heaven so that I can go away too. I want to be able to control my depression and I want to also learn how to really love myself.” I deflate a little and stare so hard at her like I’m trying to commit her face to my memory just in case shit goes left with us both going to get help.

I was scared of change, even if that shit was for the better. We couldn’t just be fucked up together. One of us are both of us needed to become level headed. I didn’t want to have her walking on eggshells in this new relationship with me. I wanted nothing about me even my aggressiveness to remind her of that bitch ass nigga Sosa.

Praylah was soft and angelic and I felt like she should be treated as such.

“Did he…” I couldn’t even get the words out but I had to for my sanity. “Did he rape you Praylah?” She seems embarrassed but its something I need her to be honest about. She starts gasping for air and trying to steady her breathing. I brace myself for the worse news as she try to wipe away at the tears that starts to form. Getting out of the tub, she makes her way to me wet and smelling like Eucalyptus and Spearmint. I put a lot of different natural essential oils in her bath water to calm her down and help relieve the stress that she was feeling.

Pulling off my shirt, then pulling Praylah to me, for a second, she stiffens then looks up into my already dreary drooped eyes that’s cast down on her. She shakes a little, but that’s followed up with her sighing and relaxing in my arms. I’m still exercising patience, waiting for that answer to come out of her pretty ass lips.

Pressing her face up against my bare chest, I can feel her taking in deep breaths. Her arms are wrapped tightly around my waist. I rub her arms as minutes start to pass with us just standing here wrapped up into each other. Its like she’s molded against me, I start rubbing up her back to give her whatever comfort that she may be looking for.

“He didn’t rape me, but his girlfriend ate me out and I hated that I liked how it felt. Soon as I got the opportunity to grab his gun I did. A part of me feels bad that I killed her on accident. Then, there’s this crazy side of me that’s happy that she died too for licking and sucking on my clit like she had the right to do so. Is that bad, Matthew?”

Touching her face as she leans into my hand and peck my palm, I slowly shake my head no. Picking Praylah off her feet, I walk her out of the bathroom with her legs and warm center moving up and down my stomach. Sitting her on my dresser, I wedge between her legs then swipe my tongue across her lips. She pulls me into her, until her breath can be felt against my lips. She kisses me with so much conviction that it leaves my grown ass stuck.

“They got what they deserved, Sugar mommy. You got to believe that shit. Ain’t nothing bad about it.” I kiss her again, I have to tell myself to relax and not take things far with her because she got me hard as hell. Everything about Pray is sweet literally down to her pussy. So it pissed me off that the bitch got a chance to taste my candy cane. If Praylah didn’t kill Sosa Baby momma I would have for violating and tasting what was mine.

“Is it bad that I want to feel you deep inside of me before you leave? I want to be celibate until we both return back to each other. It’s just that you make me feel things that I have never felt before. It feels so right that I know right now that its just what I need, baby.” That did it, that’s all a nigga needed to hear.