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“Fuck you mean, Stone?”

“I’m saying though, that’s your blood brother. I’ll kill that nigga without a care… but with you? Nigga, that shit gon’ hit differently. You already got plenty of other things riding your back, nigga. That shit in particular will haunt your ass… I say, go after that bitch Nia and Quanna first, then go face that nigga Tef.”

“Nigga, he violated though… I can’t let that shit slide, my nigga. You know how this shit goes!” I was starting to get angry, and it was only because I wanted to convince myself that killing Tef is something that needed to be done.

“Think about ya momma, nigga. You need her… you don’t want her hating you. Let the universe handle that nigga. Shit, family always be the first to do you… I told you to let that nigga pass on getting in the game. He wasn’t built for this shit like you and I, he didn’t have the same principles either. That was your fuck up. This shit makes the strongest niggas crumble off greed alone. You get me?”

Nodding my head, I got what he was saying, but I wasn’t trying to hear that shit. All I could think about was how foul he played me and crossed me.

“I’m serious, nigga. Think about your momma.”

(Fuck, momma! She doesn’t give a fuck about us anyway!) That voice was really starting to rage inside of my head.

“You still battling with shit mentally ain’t you?” He looked at me seriously, probably seeing that I was in a battle with my thoughts.

“Teflon can’t be trusted, nigga. I might be having a baby on the way! I can’t chance shit!”

“Like I said nigga, think that shit through.” He picked up his cup of water and took slow sips.

“That shit with Gunna fucked me up, my nigga. I can’t even lie… Shit hurt a nigga bad. I can’t even believe he went out like that.”

I could see the hurt in Stone’s eyes as he talked about it. I felt nothing for Gunna. I didn’t even know if I felt anything for Teflon, Nia, and Laquanna. All I saw was betrayal, they were all better off out of my life and erased. Now, when I thought about Gunna how close we were and how we started off it did bother me a bit, it even stung when he offed himself. I felt nothing at the end of it because to me, he deserved his own fate. I never crossed that nigga or gave him a reason to do me dirty.

“You talk to ya moms?”

“Nah, she been on some fuck shit. I had my men move her around to safety, you know? Err time I talk to her ass, she on some pleading for Matthew’s pussy ass. That’s the only reason I’ve been moving slow. I’ve been questioning a lot of people love and loyalty for me. Shit got me fucked up more in the head. My trigger finger itching, I ain’t been able to conduct my legal business correctly without snapping off on a mothafucka. Then I got Mattea, I can’t just make Kayori take on everything with her even though, eventually she’s gon’ have to play the momma role to Tea.”

It felt good being able to get all this shit off my chest. If anybody knew me, it was Stone, he never held shit back with how he felt. He wasn’t scared to go toe to toe with my ass either. It’s probably why he was the only real close friend I had more like a brother to me.

“Don’t overdo that shit with shorty, she’s good for you… you need her, and she needs you based off what Lay tells me. Don’t run her away though, nigga.” He gave me a crooked smile as I shook my head.

“Your shorty doesn’t even like me, nigga.” I smiled as he chuckled.

“Nigga, she just don’t play that shit when it comes to her best friend… them two like sisters, they loyal as fuck to one another. I had to deal with Kayori’s threats when I first start fucking with Lay.”

That shit was new to me, having a chick try to step to me. I understood the shit though. I stayed for about two more hours, talking, and laughing with Stone. Like old times, we vibed out. I was able to put shit in a better perspective and plan things out better than how I originally planned. Dapping it up with Stone and promising to come chop it up with him again before the week was out, I made my way back to Kayori’s room to tell her bye.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

DEBO

I held the phone tightly, my dad talked to me for over two hours telling me all about the rollercoaster that he went on. The things my grandmother did to him, down to the betrayal of his brother. I didn’t know what to say, my face was wet and I felt like bricks had been lifted off my shoulders. My mom would try to tell us the best way she knew how, about my dad. She always reminded us that one day, he’d be open enough to tell us everything without it being a trigger to him.

I learned all about triggers since I had been in this facility. Hearing that shit from my dad moved me in ways that I didn’t know were possible. I got out of here tomorrow and to be real I didn’t know exactly how I felt up until I was allowed to finally get a phone call. As bad as I wanted to call Praylah, I reached out to my dad instead and was happy that I did that shit.

I needed to hear everything that he had just told me. It gave me more hope, and I was positive that if my dad could get help when even he to was in denial, then I could too as well. While I saw myself and heard that voice, my dad had multiple voices circulating through his head. He told me that most of his voices were gone. But it didn’t mean that they didn’t still bother him. Beast became a part of him and he knew how to control him.

The main thing that I needed to come to grips with, was that it was all a part of a sickness that I end up inheriting from his side of the family. After talking to my dad, I made my way down the long quiet hallway to meet with my therapist. She really picked my brain and got on my nerve but she was helpful. Wha I liked most about her was that I didn’t feel like she was judging me.

She didn’t make a nigga feel too crazy in the head and I was able to really explain things to her exactly how I saw and heard them. All these months of being here made me realize the control that I could have over my mental. I really had to keep telling myself that seeing myself as evil and harming myself was not apart of reality. I didn’t have to be that kind of nigga.

Living the double lifestyle that I was living, wasn’t doing shit but triggering my mental. When the hallucinations came about it was centered on Debo not wanting to leave the streets. He loved the control and power it gave. Feeding him blood and lives of other made that sick part of me crave it more and more.

I fucked up majorly by even living the lifestyle that I chose because it triggered some dark shit in me and now it didn’t want to give it up. That part of me didn’t care about shit, family, close friends it lacked the ability to feel and care.

I walked in and my therapist looked up and gave me a big smile. I frowned at the sight of Debo sitting on her window ledge behind her. Blinking my eyes and inhaling then exhaling. I mumbled to myself that he wasn’t real.

“Perhaps he is real, real because he’s an extension of your mental. We can’t see him, but you can. Remember Matthew… that you are in control of him. You are the leader, no one else. Are you seeing him right now, in this room?” I nodded my head and took a seat right in front of her desk. I tried to keep my focus on Ms. Deanne, but it was hard to do so.