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I haven’t been this excited for the future in a long damn time.

NOOR

Sitting in the trunk of the SUV snuggled in blankets and surrounded by pillows, I can’t stop smiling. Jared planned out going to the drive through movie theater in secret, and had everything we could need in the trunk.

I’m eating a piece of popcorn here and there because my stomach is complaining again and I feel a little queasy. However, I won’t let it ruin my night. As long as I don’t move too much, the feeling of being on a boat doesn’t bother me.

I’ve muscled through much worse, and I’m having fun. You can’t even tell I’m not feeling my best because I’m wrapped up like a burrito and actively watching the movie. It’s cold outside tonight and the back door is open so we aren’t trying to watch out the window. This theater allows you to hook up with your Bluetooth to listen, and Jared has the audio going on his phone.

Best of all, the movie tonight is Who Killed Roger Rabbit. It’s a little ironic since I quoted it tonight to Ciaran, but I love this movie. It makes it easier to follow along, and my smiles are real when something funny happens.

“This was such a good idea,” I admit, yawning as I get up.

Rachelle and Jared chuckle as I climb up and over the back seat. I was serious when I said that I didn’t want anyone to see me. I’m so ready to crawl into my bed and go to sleep.

Elijah’s words keep coming back to me, and I chew on my inner lip as I put on my seat belt. Rachelle and Jared close the car doors and Jared points in the direction of the bathroom so I know it's where they’re headed. I nod even though he can’t see me in the tinted windows, and I listen as he locks me in.

It actually makes me feel safer as I pull a blanket over the back of the seat to snuggle into.

Should I take a pregnancy test? Would it change anything short term if I was? Pulling out my phone, I check all of my medications in a search engine to see if they’re safe before my foster parents return. Ten minutes later, I put my phone away, deciding I don’t need to know the outcome of a pregnancy test right this second.

My medications are safe to continue to take, and my life is already messy enough. The only thing that will change is my view of the future.

Even just the possibility of it does help me cling to my life. I want to live, I don’t want to give into the shitty things my mind tells me. I deserve to live and see where life takes me, and I am not a waste of space.

Yes, these are all the reasons why I try not to spend too much time alone. The good thing about living in a house with so many people is there’s always someone home. I don’t need to wallow in privacy and quiet. I need distractions.

“Ready to go home?” Jared asks, getting into the car.

“Yes,” I say with a small smile. My thoughts have kind of sobered my mood, but I also have a small amount of hope ironically. “Long day.”

“Are you feeling up to working at the store tomorrow night?” Rachelle asks as she pulls on her seatbelt. “I may come in too and offer tarot card readings. It’s been awhile since I’ve done them for the store.”

“You read tarot?” I ask, surprised.

“I do,” she says. “I kind of fell into it just out of high school, and found that I had a knack for it.”

“Rachelle is a favorite at the shop,” Jared says, navigating through the line of cars driving toward the exit. “It’ll give you some company while you’re there.”

I think Cellie’s Mystics is really cool. There’s always something new to be stocked, and Brea is gruff but sweet. It’s a fun place, and it holds a cool secret my foster family: there’s a speakeasy connected to the building.

I had wondered why there was a glass wall at the shop, and why people would come in dressed up, only to disappear. Brea’s cheeks pinkened as she explained it to me, but even then, I think there may be more to it.

Why would anyone be embarrassed to explain a speakeasy to a teenager?

I end up falling asleep on the drive home, but wake up as the engine dies in the vehicle.

“Are we home already?” I ask sleepily.

“Mmhmm. You slept hard,” Jared says as I struggle to push away the vestiges of sleep.

“Ciaran would shoot pucks at the glass when he thought I wasn’t paying attention,” I mumble. Fuck.

My filter isn’t the best when I’m just waking up, and I have a lot of secrets that I’m keeping.

“I noticed that,” Rachelle says. “I thought his aim sucked.”

Jared snorts as we get out of the car and he grabs my things for me. I open my mouth to tell him I can do it, but his long legs are already eating up the distance from the car to the side door.