Page 127

THIRTY-TWO

NOOR

Fuck fuck fuck! Why am I so damaged? I was having such a good time until the feeling of Draven’s release made me come crashing back to reality. I’m pretty sure it’s after midnight and my birthday, I just had unprotected sex again with my bullies, and I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing with my life!

So am I freaking out? Why yes, yes I am.

Something I never realized was possible is how wobbly my legs are after sex. It feels like I’m running on baby calf legs, but I force strength into my legs as I’m chased by the guys.

“Noor!” Draven screams. “Please, stop. There’s a cliff coming up!”

My legs skid as I try to stop, and they go out from under me as I gasp, making me crash to the ground on my ass. It’s only then do I see that the loose gravel from the ground here flies off into the air.

As in there’s a lack of solid ground there.

My jaw drops as I stare in horror at it. There’s a heavy fog hanging in the air, making it impossible to see beyond the cliff. It looks like white nothingness all in front of me.

“Holy shit,” I whisper.

“Thank God you stopped,” Ciaran rasps. “Noor, can you scoot back? Please? Let’s talk. Why are you freaking out?”

Using my boots and hands to pull myself back, I scramble up and turn to face the three of them. There’s real fear in their features, and I never thought I’d see the day where Ciaran Ashford’s hands shake over a near-death experience that features me.

“Why?” I gasp out. Great, now I’m getting pissed off again. Is this what pregnancy hormones are like? A sling shot of raw emotions? “None of you fucking think about the fact that you don’t know me! A computer file won’t tell you everything.”

Ciaran has the grace to look abashed, and Alastair cringes, while Draven listens with rapt attention. His eyes continually dart behind me, and I can tell he’s nervous about where my feet are. Well that’s too fucking bad. I’m fine where I am.

“My file won’t tell you that while I’ve had sexual trauma, I’ve never been kissed until you three,” I snarl. I can still feel Alastair’s lips on mine, and I touch my lips lightly, feeling how swollen they are. “My first time having sex with someone my age, fuck someone I might want to? Also you!”

Dammit. Tears don’t even have the chance to sting my eyes before they begin to overflow my eyes.

“I had this odd feeling we’ve been all your firsts,” Ciaran confesses. “That never should have happened. We were so blinded by you.”

“I’m five foot two and maybe a hundred and twenty pounds. Blinded by what?” I snap. “I’m no one!”

“You’re everything,” Draven whispers.

“You won’t think that when you know,” I wheeze, spots flaring across my vision. Damn, a girl can’t even have an orgasm without all the fun flare shit coming out. I’m fucking cursed.

“Know what? Come on, it can’t be that bad,” Alastair says as I dig my nails into my palms. “We do stupid shit all the time. What’s wrong, Noor? Please, tell us.”

Stay present, Noor.

“So you getting me pregnant isn’t that bad?” I ask, stomping on the ground.

“You’re on birth control,” Ciaran says quickly, his eyes wide. “Fuck, was the file wrong?”

“My new doctor wouldn’t refill them! I bet that wasn’t in your damn files, was it? You fucking ruined everything when you decided to expose my information, Ciaran. I can’t even go to my therapist to talk this shit out because I can’t trust the security of her files. Don’t you understand? I have no one to talk to!”

“You have us—” Draven swears, just as the ground crumbles beneath my feet. My mouth opens to scream in surprise, and he leaps forward to grab my hand, moving faster than a guy his size should be able to. “Noor!”

Draven even manages to grab my fingertips as I go over the cliff, but gravity pulls me away from him.

“Noor!” the guys scream as I disappear into the foggy abyss.

I don’t know what’s waiting for me at the bottom of this cliff. I don’t know much about Santa Barbara, and have no idea where I am since I was knocked out until Alexa and her crew pulled me from the trunk.

Falling is such an odd sensation. There’s weight pulling you down, yet you still feel weightless. My body is trying to disassociate to protect me, my gaze is darkening, and I wrap my arms around myself as I think about the baby inside of me that I’m supposed to protect.

What about them? Who will protect the tiny person who doesn’t understand all the crap her mom has been through?

It’s not fair. None of it is. I was almost getting somewhere with the guys, and it’s one of the most honest moments we’ve ever had. It’s ironic it’ll probably be the last one too.

Avoidance has always kept me safe in a way, and any time I’ve come clean, it’s almost led to an accident. Until now.

I’m now the accident.

I’m so dizzy, it feels as if the fog is twirling around me, and my nausea flares up with a vengeance. My heartbeat is pounding to a rhythm that signals my early death in my ears, and I can tell I'm going to faint.

It’s probably for the best. The darkness is safe, nothing bad happens to me there.

Gasping in a breath, I scream just before the world around me goes black.

Maybe the gloom of unconsciousness will protect my baby and I from what’s to come. Maybe I’ll meet her or him in the next life so I can apologize.

I’m sorry l couldn’t be better for you, little one. I failed you.

Happy birthday to me.