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‘Are you okay?’ said Gia.
‘Yes, why?’ she said quickly, on instinct, because she was always okay when people asked, whether it was true or not.
‘You’re acting a little strange,’ said Gia.
‘I’m fine,’ said Claudia.
‘Are you sure?’
Claudia longed to bury herself in Gia’s arms, to forget what she had seen in the shield, but she couldn’t. All of that fear and guilt and sickness inside her was roiling up like lava in a volcano, but instead of erupting she felt herself becoming dormant and cold.
‘I’m so sorry, Gia,’ she said.
‘What for?’
‘I have been selfish and…’ Claudia stiffened, hands forming fists at her sides, though she didn’t dare to look Gia in the eye. ‘You should not be here,’ she said.
‘Where else would I be?’
‘Somewhere else, somewhere safe, somewhere where you’re not in constant danger, maybe.’
‘I know what I signed up for. I chose to fight in the arena even before I met you. Where is this coming from?’
Claudia flushed, wiping her palms on her robes as her moral compass swung around the dial. She wanted to tell the truth, but she was too afraid. She could imagine what Cassius would have to say about her spying on them. It would surely compound his poor opinion of her.
Gia narrowed her eyes, reading into the silence. She looked to the shield, and Claudia knew at once that she was caught.
‘You heard us?’ said Gia, brow wrinkling. ‘You were watching Cassius and I, through the shield?’
Claudia looked at it, guiltily. She couldn’t deny it. Gia had a way of seeing right through her anyway.
‘I didn’t ask the shield to show you,’ she said. ‘I asked the shield to show him, because of what he said to me today. You were just with him. I momentarily forgot that part. I didn’t mean to spy on you… But I couldn’t look away, and the longer I listened, the more I needed to hear what was said. It was me you were talking about… It was hard to resist.’
‘I wouldn’t have wished for you to hear that.’
‘I don’t think he’s going to change his mind any time soon.’
‘He will.’
‘It is doomed,’ said Claudia. ‘How can you be happy when your brother hates me so?’
‘You think just because Cassius doesn’t like you, that I will turn against you too?’ asked Gia.
‘I wouldn’t blame you, if you chose him. It would be the wise and sensible thing.’
‘Lucky for you, I am neither wise nor sensible,’ Gia said, lightly.
Then she kissed Claudia so tenderly that she became light-headed, her knees giving out beneath her as Gia steadied them. She kissed her back, holding on for as long as she could, her fingers clawing at the material of her chiton beneath the armour.
‘I already chose you,’ said Gia.
She had to do it. She had to do it now, to rip off the bandage and not extend this exquisite torture.
But she couldn’t. She was too weak.
Gia was her Achilles heel. If people knew they were lovers, her enemies would use Gia to target her. They could ask for anything they wanted, if they captured her or threatened to harm her. Claudia would give away all the world, in such a case.
She looked down at the ground, avoiding Gia’s eyes.