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He didn’t worry until he found Lilith just on the other side of the door, resting against the wall under the wooden awning. Wrapped from head to toe in the long brown coat, her knees were pulled tight to her chest, head against the wall and tipped upward.
In place of her nervous aura, a black smog wrapped tightly around her frame. Unhappiness. Distress. Suffering.
Jarek would have preferred it if she ran off. That was what he expected of her—what was normal.
He pushed the door open. “You should be sleeping.”
She sighed, aura flickering in surprise. “I can’t.”
“Vulnerability leads to weakness. Weakness follows vulnerability. It is best not to bleed either, Draven.” Jarek did his best to ignore his father’s insistent nagging, gripping the doorknob until it crumpled in his hand. “Can I join you?”
Lilith wavered, wrapping her arms around her legs, but she nodded. Jarek gently closed the door and fell against the same wall, making sure to give her a wide berth.
“You are troubled,” he started.
“I’m always troubled.”
“Not like this.” He didn’t look away from the sheets of rain beyond the railings. “I think it’s best you do not dwell on such emotions, considering the importance of what needs to happen tomorrow.”
“I know. You don’t need to—”
“I want to offer assistance in resolving it.”
She paused. “You want to compel me?”
“I can, or you’re welcome to, uh, talk about it, aloud… with me.” Lords above him, it shouldn’t be this difficult. “If you’d like.”
She laughed, short and dry. “I had a bad day.”
“You appeared fine until Aarin showed up.”
“It’s not so much him as what he had to say.”
“Is this about that woman he mentioned?”
Lilith didn’t answer, and there was nothing but rain for a while. “Reina. She was like my Maude in Reave.”
“Ah. And Aarin’s lover, I’m assuming.”
She made a little retching sound that ticked Jarek’s lip. “He really loves her?”
“Is that unfortunate?”
“Very,” she groused. “He didn’t act like it for a while. Even after a dramatic declaration of eternity together, she found out he was sleeping with one of his clients. Rey was smart enough not to put up with it when he came crawling back, even after all the begging and promising he’d sober up for her when it was convenient for him.” Her voice quieted. “She cried in my arms every night for weeks.”
Jarek didn’t have the faintest clue how to respond, surprised he’d made it this far. He could only think of something barely in relation to it. “In Reatia, such promises were sealed while Erebria was visible among the stars, and if broken, it was said your soul would never find reincarnation.”
“If only he had done it while Erebria was visible then.” Her lip quirked. “I like to imagine she made it to Zaitrerin and met a gorgeous man who would give her however many babies she wanted. She deserved it.”
“You speak as if she didn’t.”
“Reina was one of the lucky ones born in Reave. She never left. Even if she could have transferred out using a graft, she wouldn’t have left her family behind. Neir saw her, and gods knows how long he was following me… She gave me everything, and I can never repay her.”
Jarek risked a glance, finding the glow of her soul casting a dim light around her face. “I understand why you both are so concerned for her.”
“She was good to those she loved. Xavier and her both were.” Lilith placed her chin to her knees. “But I used them to avoid my problems. They let me into their lives, and I did to them what I did to Kyer and Maude. I left them to take the punishment for my carelessness, and I don’t think I can forgive myself for it this time.”
Jarek was staring now. If she noticed, he didn’t care. A color he didn’t see often mingled with her misery: dusty pink. Kyer bled it when he looked at Maude with a gentle face and even Lilith the day she returned. He caught it a few times between her and Luka when they shared a laugh.
