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Head low, he nodded, and she sighed.

“Are you okay?”

He started shaking, and Lily reached for him, only to discover he was laughing. “You’re—so—” He flicked his other hand up and pressed it on her other side when he stumbled. “Stupid.”

Lily scoffed. “So I’ve heard.”

“Why did you do that?”

“I told you I wanted him dead.”

He shook his head. “Not worth it.”

“Of course it was worth it! What do you…” Lily trailed off. He wasn’t talking about killing Caiven. Was he talking about her saving him? And he had the audacity to call her stupid? What good would leaving him have done?

His chuckle kicked back to a gallop. “Don’t be mad. It’s true.”

“I am not mad. I’m—” She lost foresight of her actions, cupping his face in her hands to lift his head. “You’re delusional if you think I could’ve done any of this without you. Why wouldn’t I help you?” Dumbstruck, his humor stalled, and his gaze blessedly met hers. “We’re chained to each other, remember?”

The weight behind her words soaked in, and she prayed it was as heavy for him. Lily barely knew him, fallen or reformed, the Guardian or the Serpent. It was far from her place to force a value onto his life he was incapable of seeing, but she found herself still speaking it confidently, even if it was selfish or he didn’t want it.

His cheeks flushed against her palms, and Lily let go. His chest rose, and on the fall, he lifted to his full height. “Right…”

Lily froze completely. Trapped in his conflicted stare and caged between his strong arms, she felt a need to run again, but also a need to grab him by the shirt and drag him back to her.

A bleary smile lifted Jarek’s lips. Arms bending against the wall, he inched toward her, and Lily’s heart pumped fiercely at what this all implied. Not to mention… My emotions! What do they look like? Can he see—

He collapsed against her.

Lily caught him with a gasp. “Oh, by Ettan’s light… No! You can’t do this yet.” He made an unintelligible sound into her neck, and their situation came crashing down on her as she tried not to show how much she was struggling to keep him upright. With great effort, Lily draped his good arm over her shoulders. “Stay with me a little longer.”

He didn’t respond, but he stayed on his feet, moving with her toward the exit. She managed to fall into a rhythm, and when the bitter breeze of the night air ruffled her hair, she paused and glanced behind her.

It was behind her—her manifesting delusion standing where she was a moment ago. Lily hadn’t seen it since that night in the woods outside of camp.

It pressed its long legs together, standing tall and gaunt. Eyeless sockets stared her down as if seeing her for the first time.

Rippling in otherworldly luminescence, it tipped its head and vanished deeper into the Caspen armory.

Chapter Thirty

Vibrant grasses carpeted the floors, and vines flowered along every surface. The garden felt like a piece of the countryside had been plucked whole and pressed into the walls. There wasn’t a spot Draven could find that wasn’t covered in a vibrancy of color. The flow of the crystal waterways lining the walkway tickled his ears, and the florals overwhelmed his nose. Rays of sunlight pierced through the squared off panes overhead.

Draven hugged his knees to his chest and wept.

When his sleeves were damp and his chest sore from heaving, strong, steady steps fell behind him. He wiped his reddened face and lifted his head.

“I thought I might find you here.” The precision of Retian was still new and unfamiliar. “Third time now you’ve vanished before dinner. I take it you don’t have a taste for our chef’s food yet?”

Draven shook his head, and the man laughed—one that sounded comforting but only touched the surface of his skin.

“I understand. This place is—”

“Pretty.” Draven tasted the language for perfection before he spoke it again. “It’s pretty.”

This next laugh seemed a little warmer than the first. “Adjusting will take time. She treated you well, as I asked of her. I promise you she will remain happy. In the meantime, I want you to look forward to the future.”

Lanna? Happy? Without me? “I can’t see her?”