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A hand fell against her upper back.

Her heart bounded so quickly to her throat it choked her. No! No more! The Wraith rushed to the surface, and Lily swiped a hand behind her. She missed, winding back a fist, but she was caught by the wrist.

Somewhere under her screaming, she heard her name. Lily fought like an animal that escaped one trap then fell into another until both of her arms were bound again.

“Don’t touch me!” she screeched.

To her surprise, she was freed. The abruptness of it halted her aggression, allowing a moment for her outrage to clear from her sight. She inhaled a shuddering breath.

Jarek?

The Serpent billowed rapidly behind his pupils, but his face was soft, apprehensive. Torn holes in his clothing fluttered in the wind, exposing burn marks across his torso, the rest of him coated in dirt and blood. Lily’s heart broke all over again seeing the state of him. Her gaze fell to his hands raised between them.

She recoiled, clasping her hands to her chest. “Did I hurt you?”

“No. Lilith—”

She stepped back, the motion kicking up ash, and glanced behind her. To her horror, she remembered he’d witnessed this very thing by Keara’s hand. Shame snaked its way into her core, and she wrapped her arms around herself.

“It’s alright,” he whispered.

She shook her head, fighting the urge to weep again. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“I want to be.” His gaze didn’t falter. Not once did he look away as he moved in front of her, but it wasn’t Jarek with her, it was Draven. Broken, beaten, and alone. “If you’ll let me.”

Heated anger blistered across her face from him interrupting the quiet, then from the embarrassment he could see. He knew why it upset her, and yet he was so easily ignoring it. And for what? To spare her feelings or his?

Everything hurt, inside and out, but even as Lily wanted to turn it all onto him, it wouldn’t surface. He didn’t want to leave, and she wanted him to stay.

Lily fell against him. He remained stiff at first, and she feared she’d made another mistake, but then his arms wrapped around her back, and he pulled her close. Pent up sobs broke past her lips as she buried her sorrows in his chest.

Xavier. Reina. Her brother. Her parents, Gwyneth… they all came to the front, and she couldn’t push them away. Not anymore.

Jarek didn’t say anything, only guided them to the ground when Lily’s legs gave out from under her.

She almost relaxed until guilt throttled her tongue. Jarek needed to know everything Neir asked of her. It involved him too. He could help keep her safe.

Lily met Luka’s worried expression from the lean-to.

Her safety wasn’t what concerned her. Jarek was loyal to Amalia and only to Luka because Lily asked him to be. Neir’s admission could save Luka’s life until they managed to defeat the Phantoms, but what would happen then? No one else believed Luka was worthy of such power. She needed time to prove it to everyone else. Time Neir was willing to give her.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I was so scared.”

“I was too,” he whispered.

Lily inhaled the scent of copper and dust off his shirt—the steady beat of the heart he did indeed have thrummed in her ear. He came for me. And regardless of the reason why, knowing she was safe by his side left her stomach hollow, filled only with light that pushed against the pain like the sun breaking through a cloudy sky.

Lily tipped her head up to meet his eye. Their souls locked, and silence lingered as Jarek’s gaze shifted over her face.

“Would you like me to take it away?” he asked.

“This?” Lily worried he was talking about the airy warmth filling her chest. So much coursed through her, so he could be referring to any one of her emotions, but that was the one keeping her from falling straight to the depths of the Aithre right now, and she didn’t want to lose it.

A hint of a smile feathered his jaw. With a tender motion, his touch found her cheek, his thumb brushing over her skin, the position reminiscent of earlier in the study when Lily was sure he was going to kiss her.

But as he stared at her, Jarek’s softening expression hardened. Instead, he settled her back against his chest, fingers curling into her hair. “I’ll take whatever it is you want me to.”

Lily was standing at the threshold on Ava’s property again. The wind in her hair, its chill nipping at her skin. Did she stay, or did she leave? Did she accept the way she felt about the Wraith, or did she push it away?

It would be easier if it all disappeared.

“If you could, would you take away what was hurting you?” she asked him.

He stayed quiet for some time before he spoke. “Without it, I wouldn’t be here.”

Lily’s gaze drifted past his arms to the field of ash.

Death was suffering. It was pain. Fear and feared. But it was also peace. Pleasure. Kindness. Rebirth.

It was her.

“No,” she said as she exhaled. “I want to keep it all.”