Page 120 of Unapologetic Love Story

Raina closed her eyes and sat back against her pillows. ‘Tom should have picked better friends.’

‘He did – he chose you.’

‘He was going to write one of those articles on me, Sol.’

‘We don’t know that. And I don’t think so. He had a few notes on a board, that doesn’t mean anything. That’s like a diary. It didn’t exactly come out in good faith, did it? And he was right – I did tell him about Mum. I was stupid. I told him at your party. Ages ago!’

Raina inhaled. ‘I know you like his work—’

‘He’s obsessed with you, Rai. He worships you. You know he does. Feel your shutdown, feel what that woman did to you, but don’t tell yourself a story that isn’t true. I think you know how that man really feels.’

The hope was almost as painful as the heartbreak. ‘Solana.’

‘He just didn’t look like a guy who had been found out; he looked like a guy who needed to explain. You know better than anyone what it’s like to be misconstrued.’

‘I’m tired, Solana. I don’t even remember what was said. I just remember her and her anger and everyone looking.’

Be honest, Raina. You just can’t go through loving yet another man with awful friends. You’re punishing him for something that’s not even his fault.

‘I just think,’ Solana said carefully, ‘when things have settled a little, you two can talk it out. He would want you to hear the truth.’

‘You know . . .’ Raina slid down in the bed and turned over so she was facing the wall of her room. ‘I’m going to take a couple of days to not think about what other people want.’

‘I’m guessing he’s not coming with us to the awards on Monday?’

‘Correct.’

‘Yeah, that checks out. Well. Okay. Why don’t you leave all that with me? I can call them and let them know. Is there anything else?’

Raina relented a little. ‘You’re sweet. Diary is in the top drawer.’

Solana slid open the bedside cabinet and took out the little red pocket diary Raina kept all of her appointments and contacts in. ‘Got it. I’ll handle everything for now.’

‘You don’t have to.’

‘I want to. Raina?’

‘Mm?’

‘What were you telling Tom when I drove up?’

Raina winced. She wasn’t exactly thrilled about revisiting any aspect of the night. ‘I was telling him why I started the show.’

Solana’s momentary silence spoke to her surprise at this answer. ‘Really?’

‘Yes.’

Solana visibly swallowed. ‘I’m sorry for all of this, Rai.’

‘It’s fine,’ Raina said quietly. ‘You know, it’s weird. Romance. Love. They’ve always been special interests for me. I remember I had to go to one of those group therapy sessions after being diagnosed and we all got talking about our special interests. Transport, Disney, Dungeons and Dragons. Star Wars. When it got to me, I said love stories.’

She was staring at the wall but could hear a smile in Solana’s voice when her sister spoke. ‘I know.’

‘I think it started from a place of liking the routine. The predictability of third-act breakups and happy endings. But it’s more than that. I was studying people. I was memorizing a world that never wanted me in it. Maybe if I could anticipate every scenario, every outcome . . . maybe then I could be a part of it all.’

She pressed her face into what had become Tom’s pillow. She felt the salty wetness of her tears seep into the leftover scent of him.

‘But studying love is like studying the stars. You can learn everything in the book. You can imagine all kinds of scenarios. But nothing can prepare you for floating in space and something going wrong. Some things have to be learned.’