Page 97 of Yearning Difficulties

He wouldn’t look at me.

‘He’s obsessed with her,’ Dave continued. ‘He only chose to enter this tournament because she’d be here. Everything he does, it all comes back to her. It’s creepy. He even forced her into a pretend relationship to try and get her to fall in love with him.’

My blood ran cold. This couldn’t be happening.

‘But here’s the really weird part,’ Dave said, his voice icy and void of any feeling. ‘He’s been lying to her about it! Making her think they’re just friends. He kissed her last Halloween! Behind a mask, in a dark closet where neither of them could see the other. And he’s never told her! He’s kept that from her for a year. From his mouth, Zella, I heard him talking to his brother about it.’

I felt war drums in my ears. I shakily climbed down from my podium, staring at Killian’s profile. One that still refused to turn and look at me.

‘Zella!’ Dave’s voice finally softened. ‘It’s you. It’s been all about you. This entire time. He’s in love with you. He’s not your friend. He never wanted to be.’

‘I don’t understand,’ I said weakly, still staring at Killian. ‘Kill, tell him it’s not true. Tell everyone. It’s not me. You – you said—’

I watched him stare at the sawdust beneath his boots. I saw him clench and unclench his jaw.

He didn’t deny it. He didn’t deny any of it.

‘Did you honestly think’ – Dave leapt down from his barrel – ‘this would go your way? That she would want someone like you? Freak?’

‘Dave, for fuck’s sake, shut up!’ I yelled, my voice almost breaking.

Killian’s lips twitched and he finally looked up at Dave. ‘Dave, you can call me that word until your voice is gone. I know what I am. I’ve always known. You can’t make me feel shit about something that just is.’

‘Zella, don’t you see?’ Dave walked towards me, throwing down his sword. His blows had all been cast, after all. ‘This whole scheme, the fake dating, the lies. It’s all for you. And it’s sick.’

I felt everyone’s eyes on the back of my neck. I took a step towards Killian but he jerked away from me.

‘It was you on the radio?’ I asked, my voice small. ‘All this time?’

I waited. For a while he didn’t move. And then finally, he gave a curt nod.

‘And it was about me?’

He winced, closing his eyes. As if trying to shut out my words.

‘Please, Kill. Last Halloween,’ I whispered. ‘That was you?’

He finally looked at me. And as his eyes held mine, I’d never seen them look so grief-stricken.

‘Yes,’ he murmured. ‘It was always about you.’

One Year Earlier

‘Happy Halloween!’

Killian winced as his twin shouted the words at Bibi Minola. She’d answered the front door to them both and Killian could see that the party was already well underway. Kids from Lake Pristine and their new school were running up and down the grand staircase of the house, as well as in and out of the kitchen.

The noise and the rattling of feet made Killian feel seasick.

His mask was in his hand but the way people smiled at Chris and not at him soon had him donning it.

‘How’re you both liking town?’ Bibi asked cheerfully, as she gave them a very brief tour of the house. ‘You’ve been here a month or so now, right?’

‘Great!’ Chris said. ‘We want to check out that weird medieval faire thing.’

‘Oh, yes,’ Bibi laughed. ‘Zella’s dad puts that thing on every year. Someone always ends up falling off a horse.’

‘Who’s Zella?’ asked Chris.