Page 52 of Who’s That Girl?

‘I wouldn’t advise wearing nicotine patches unless you are suffering the withdrawal effects of nicotine,’ she continues, rather firmly.

‘Yes, absolutely,’ I agree in my most responsible voice. ‘Of course I won’t. Unless I am. Which I will be.’

Fuck. I’m digging myself a bigger hole here.

She looks at me sharply, then thinking better of it, says, ‘We keep the patches in our section on the left.’

‘Oh, OK, thank you.’

Hurriedly turning away, I’m heading towards the section, when I see a flash of suit and a familiar profile. Gosh, that looked like Julian, but it can’t be – what would he be doing in this part of town? His office is miles away. I glance again to get a better look. But no, it’s definitely Julian. A smile spreads over my face in readiness to say hello as I make my way towards him.

‘Hey, Julian, fancy seeing you here!’ I exclaim, tapping him on the shoulder.

He swings round like he’s been shot. ‘Charlotte!’ he gasps, clutching his tie to his chest, his eyes wide.

‘Oh, sorry,’ I apologise, smiling. ‘Did I startle you?’

He quickly composes himself. ‘A little bit.’ He laughs awkwardly.

‘So what are you up to?’

‘Excuse me?’ He looks at me blankly.

‘In this part of town. I thought your office was in Chancery Lane.’

Gosh, he’s acting really weird. Shifty, almost. Which is ridiculous. It’s Julian. What’s he got to be shifty about?

‘Oh, right, yeah.’ He shakes his head distractedly. ‘I have a meeting close by.’

‘Snap.’ I smile, but he doesn’t. ‘With a journalist …’ I trail off uncomfortably and absently glance down into Julian’s basket. And there, among the shaving foam and razors, I see them.

Condoms. Extra-large. Ribbed for comfort.

Suddenly it dawns on me exactly why Julian is acting so weirdly. He’s all self-conscious, as am I, I muse, feeling a flush of embarrassment. Which is silly as we’re both adults.

‘Look, Charlotte, I’m running late.’

I snap back to see Julian checking his watch.

‘Er, yeah, me too.’ I smile, blushing beetroot. ‘Well, I’ll see you tomorrow.’

He looks at me as if he doesn’t have a clue what I’m talking about.

‘For dinner,’ I add to jog his memory. ‘It’s my birthday. Did Vanessa mention it?’

‘Oh Christ, yes, that’s right.’ He rakes his fingers through his hair and smiles apologetically. ‘Sorry, I’ve got a lot on my mind at the moment.’

‘Well, bye.’

‘Yeah, bye, Charlotte.’

I watch as he strides away down the aisle, his dark-suited figure causing a few turned heads among some girls by the make-up counter. Gosh, Vanessa is such a dark horse. Haven’t had sex for ages, indeed! Just wait till I see her!

And smiling to myself, I turn back to my list. Now, where was I?

‘Morning.’

Arriving at the office after my meeting, I push open the frosted-glass door expecting to be greeted by Beatrice as usual, but instead find her with her head on her desk, fast asleep, drooling. As the door swings closed behind me, she flips upright like a jack-in-a-box.