Page 36 of With You

“It’s not a case of want, River,” I snap, turning my gaze to him. His eyes widen but he schools his expression just as quickly.

I didn’t want to do any of this. I didn’t want to rely on someone else to get a spot I deserved anyway. I didn’t want to ask him to dance with me. I didn’t want to have so many confusing feelings toward River that are making this even harder.

“We have to kiss, whether I like it or not.”

“You really know how to make a guy feel good about himself,” he jokes, and I hate myself for almost laughing.

“Why don’t we just get it over and done with?” I say, before I can think too much about it.

It’s just a kiss, it’s not a huge deal. It’s not real anyway because we’re just performing. I don’t have to count this as my first kiss if I don’t want to because it’s for show.

“Are you sure?” River asks, stepping closer.

“It’s just a kiss,” I say, hoping that repeating it will make it stick more in my brain.

“Just a kiss,” he repeats.

River stops right in front of me, grey eyes staring down at me as he tilts my chin up to him. His gaze moves over my face, and it feels like he’s seeing more than what’s on the surface, like he can see every thought in my mind as his face moves closer to mine.

I feel the warmth radiating from him, the gentle pressure of his fingertips under my chin as they graze across my jaw. I close my eyes, preparing myself for the moment his lips meet mine as my heart catches in my throat.

Instead, there’s a soft pressure against my cheeks, the gentlest kiss before he pulls back and does it to the other side. I keep my eyes closed, my breath stuttering as he kisses the corner of my mouth again. I’ve always been proud of how strong my legs are but right now it feels like I’m going to collapse. I hold on to him, my hands gripping his arms as he kisses me again on the other side.

“Is this okay?” he asks, so close I can feel his breath on my skin.

I nod, every language I know leaving my mind completely. I’m unable to form a single thought that isn’t keep going.

Although my eyes are still closed, I feel River pull back, the air changing as his face gets further from mine.

“I need to hear you say it, Amelie,” he whispers, his thumb stroking across my cheek.

“It’s okay,” I tell him, opening my eyes so he can see I really mean it.

River looks over my face one last time before he presses his lips against mine. My fingernails dig into his arms as his body presses against mine, pulling him closer to me as he deepens the kiss. A tiny voice in the back of my mind screams that this is a terrible idea, but I ignore it.

Kissing River is better than I could ever have imagined.

His arm wraps around my back, holding me close as my hands move up to his neck. We should stop, I know we should stop, but it feels impossible when he’s kissing me as if it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. River’s hand travels down to the back of my leg, pulling it upward as I follow his lead and let him lift me. My legs cross around his waist as River holds me, still kissing me in a way that feels like he’s been dying to.

This is more than just a kiss, and it’s dangerous.

I pull back, even though it’s the last thing I want to do. River chases me for another kiss, but stops when he realises the atmosphere has shifted. I tip my forehead against his, breathing heavily as I try to think of a good reason to keep going, but rationale floods my brain, and I have to let go of him.

I squeeze his arms, and River takes it as a sign to let go of me, gently placing me back down on the floor, but he still keeps his face pressed close to mine.

“We can’t do that again,” I tell him.

“It was just a kiss,” he says, eyes searching mine.

I want to agree with him, to pretend that it was just practice for the performance, but we both know it was more than that. I don’t know what my feelings for River are, but I enjoyed that far more than I should have.

“This performance has to go well,” I tell him as I take a step backward. “Whatever this is,” I gesture between us. “I can’t do it right now.”

River nods, hands on his hips as he glances up at the ceiling before back at me again.

“Not right now doesn’t mean never,” he says, tilting his head.

I can’t stop the laugh that escapes me. Never in my nightmares would I have imagined River wanting more from our relationship, but the way he’s looking at me, the softness in his eyes laced with some indescribable feeling, it’s clear he does.