Page 64 of With You

Damien

Not since last night

Amelie

Do you know where he is?

Damien

I’ll go and check his room

I pace anxiously, my phone clutched tightly in my hand as I wait for Damien’s response. If anyone can find River, it’s him.

Damien

Not in his room but I just checked his location

Amelie

Is he on the way to the theatre?

Damien

I’m sorry Amelie

He’s in Madrid

I read his message over and over, waiting for the words on the screen to change.

River is in Madrid.

Not at the theatre, not in Paris, not even in France. I don’t understand what’s happening. This is one of the most important practices. He’s shown up for everything else, but not this.

My mind races as I cycle through every possible reason he could be there. A family emergency maybe? But I’m sure he would have told me, or even Damien. I go through his behaviour the past few weeks, trying to figure out of I missed something, but I can’t think of a single thing. There has to be a good reason for why he’s not here, I just can’t understand why he hasn’t told me.

“You’re up next,” one of the stage crew says, clipboard in hand as he checks something off it. “Where’s your partner?”

He glances around and I do the same, as if River will magically appear, when I know full well that’s impossible. He’s in Madrid. Hundreds of miles away at the time I need him most. Everyone around me starts clapping for the dancer who just finished, but I can’t move.

“If he’s not here, we’ll have to move on,” the boy says, tapping his pen against the clipboard.

Words escape me as shock settles in. River is in Madrid. This is our final dress rehearsal, the showcase is in two days, and River is in Madrid.

“Skip to the finale,” he says into his headset, turning to walk away from me without a second glance.

My feet stay rooted to the ground as people move around me, everyone crowding around the wings to get a better view of the stage. Charlotte walks to the centre and it takes her a ridiculous amount of time to find third position and hold it for long enough for the music to start.

She darts around the stage with the grace of a baby giraffe that’s just been born, her arms loose and flapping around, steps heavy and ill-timed. It’s a joke that she’s got the final solo, but when I glance over at Madame sitting in the centre of the second row, there’s a sickening smile on her face.

Anger overtakes every other emotion swirling through my mind. That spot should have been mine. I’m an immeasurably better ballerina than Charlotte; I just lack the connections needed, apparently. And now River’s not here, and I can’t perform at all. How could he do this to me?

Maybe I was a fool for wanting to trust him with something like this when we hated each other for so long. Regardless of how we feel about each other now, River was never someone I could truly depend on. And while I want to have more faith in him, to believe there’s a good excuse for why he hasn’t said a single word to me today, all of that is overpowered by the disappointment I feel toward him.

Reality hits me like a gut punch as my knees give out and I squat close to the floor. What if he doesn’t come back for the showcase? Not performing in that means the scouts won’t see me, which means I don’t stand a chance of getting into the summer intensive. My eyes sting as I try to compose myself, my nails digging into my palm to try and direct the pain somewhere else. It’s over. Everything I’ve worked for, the long days and sleepless nights, the pain and hurt, all for nothing.

Amelie

I can’t believe you’d do this to me