Page 22 of The Gift of a Christmas Scandal

His eyes widened, and Selina wondered if she had said too much – for surely, he could understand what was unsaid in her words. Then he turned his head away for a moment, sighing.

“Selina… I want, so much, for things to be different. But how can they be? I care too much for you to ever expose you to the kind of scandal….”

“But… what if I chose that? If that is the only way to save me from marrying Lord Hockingmoor, and you from marrying Lady Phyllida, I have come to think it more than a fair price to pay. For I would find marrying you no hardship – if… you could ever consider the idea of marrying me?”

Fear ran through her as she spoke, making her tense, as she had not done since those moments of amazing pleasure – but she had to know his thoughts. He stared at her, the moonlight making his eyes seem deep pools in which she could easily drown, and gently lifted her hand from where it still lay on his thigh, to softly place a kiss on her palm.

When he spoke, his voice was husky, as if some intense emotion moved him.

“Selina, that would be too much for me to ask. It is not that I could not consider marrying you – that idea is very far from unpleasant indeed – but that I would not put you in such a position – such a scandal would follow us all our lives. How can I ask that you take up such a burden?”

“Alex, in case you didn’t notice – you did not ask, I offered. I would consider it worth it. I… I care for you, Alex, for you, not just for these stolen moments of pleasure, however remarkable they are. At least consider it.”

He bent to kiss her, his expression wondering, thoughtful. She pulled him to her, and held nothing back as she returned the kiss. When they broke apart again, he looked at her a moment before speaking.

“You offer me a gift beyond measure. But I am not at all sure that I should take it. And… to deliver the scandal that would be required, to free us both, we would have to be discovered together – like this, or more so – by someone, and then have many others see – do you really think that you could bear that? And… how could we be sure that we would be found? Obviously, we would need to be doing… this… at a rather different hour of the day, for a start.”

“I could bear that – I would not have offered if I did not think I could. I believe that I might have a solution to the rest. But, if such a thing were to work, it is best that you know nothing of the details. Will you… if I send you a message, offering an assignation, no matter when or where, will you promise to be there?”

“I believe, my darling Selina, that I have reached the point where I would do almost anything that you asked.”

“Then, Alex, kiss me again. We should go to our beds, but I cannot face it without one more kiss.”

“Gladly – that is one thing that I will never deny you.”

~~~~~

When she lay in her bed later, her body aching in the most pleasant way, his scent still lingering on her skin, she thought about what they had said. There was no going back – she had made her decision. She loved him – it was that simple – and the sacrifice of a scandal was insignificant in the face of what she would lose without that scandal – him.

She was sure, now, that in such a situation as they had been in the library, she could drive him to the brink of insanity with need, could convince him to take his own pleasure, as well as giving her pleasure. For, if she was to be ruined, if there was to be a scandal big enough to force them to marry, no matter what, she wanted to make quite certain that there was no doubt. It was, she thought, a case of no less than completely ruined being enough. And the thought of the pleasure to be had in being ruined thrummed through her body, as if his fingers were there to touch her.

In the morning, she would discover a desire to walk with Mariel – she prayed that there would be no snow – and plan a scandal.