Page 104 of The Little Board Game Café

‘It’s only a car, Em. Perhaps one day, I’ll get to sit in one. Have a little ride in it even. Let’s buy a café together. Father and daughter. Not quite as good as mother and daughter, but it’s the best I can do.’

‘On one condition, Dad.’

‘Name it.’

‘You have to come and visit.’

‘Fine,’ said Dad. ‘You’ve got yourself a deal. Now, that’s the café sorted. Tell me about this man of yours. What’s he called?’

‘Ludek. But he’s not mine. It’s over.’

‘And it’s over because…’

‘It’s hard to explain. I had strong feelings for him, but then I kind of panicked.’

‘I’ve noticed over the years that you always seem more comfortable with men if …’ He hesitated, looking at her face, as if he was unsure whether he dared say it.

And Emily wasn’t sure she wanted to hear it, but she said, ‘Go on.’

‘You always seem more comfortable with men if you can keep them at arm’s length.’

‘Have you been talking to Kate?’

‘No, why?’

‘That’s what she said. Exactly what she said.’

‘Well, maybe there’s something in it then,’ he said. ‘I’ve known you all your life. She’s known you for most of it. If this is something we’ve both picked up on…’

‘I’m not sure what you mean by “keeping them at arm’s length”?’

‘Well, look at Peter. I mean, he’s a decent guy and everything, but you shouldn’t marry someone you can live with. You should marry someone you can’t live without. That’s how I felt about your mum.’

‘And then she died, you had to live without her. And you’ve never, ever seemed happy since.’

‘That’s true,’ he said. ‘You bring me a lot of joy, but I’ve never felt truly happy since I lost your mum. Not deep down.’

‘You’re not making a very good case for the “can’t-live-without-them” kind of love.’

‘We’re back to taking risks, Em. The “can’t-live-without-them” love brings such joy. I can’t describe how I felt the day she said yes to me. The day she told me we were expecting you. Watching her breast-feed you. Seeing her face full of pride the day you sang that solo in the school nativity. I felt so happy that I wanted to burst. But when you allow yourself to feel great love like that, you risk great heartbreak too. Like when they came to tell me at work about the accident. Seeing her in the hospital…words can’t describe the pain I felt. And it’s never gone away. It’s changed, perhaps, over time. But it’s still there. I miss her every day.’

‘Oh, Dad,’ Emily said, reaching across the table and stroking his hair. ‘I miss her too. And I never, ever want to miss anyone like that ever again.’

‘Then you’ll never experience the kind of love your mother and I had, Em. And I feel very sad for you.’

He stood up, took the kitchen roll from the worktop, tore off a sheet and dabbed at his eyes. Then he placed the roll on the table in front of her. He filled the kettle and flicked it on.

‘Tea,’ he said. ‘We need more tea.’

Her dad opened the cupboard and rummaged through the mugs. He selected two, put a teabag into each and got the milk out of the fridge. He stood gazing out of the window whilst he waited for the tea to brew.

‘Remember when your rabbit died?’ he said as he placed two mugs on the table. ‘You said, “I never want another pet ever again.”’

‘And I’ve never had another pet.’

‘And you’ve missed out. I don’t know what I’d do without the cat. Some days, she’s the only person I speak to.’

Smudge chose that moment to appear through the cat flap and wind around Emily’s legs. Emily reached down and stroked her fur, listening to the loud purrs. She had to admit it was soothing, comforting.