Page 76 of Hunger & Harmony

Fear.

Just like our first kiss. The same hesitance in his tense jaw, and the same torn expression of worry and want. I strike terror into his eyes. How can I blame him? Maybe I can’t name it yet, but I've done something irreversible.

A wave of nausea rolls over me. The burden I tried so hard to push away . . .

This can’t be happening. My gaze darts around the room again, and suddenly, I wish for the cold carcass of Sancte Noctis to come back. Each crackle of amber flame feels like a taunt.

“You should eat,” he says. “At least drink something.”

He’s always so earnest. How can he keep up his act when I’ve clearly screwed everything up?

Everything was broadcast, too. The whole world is more up-to-date with what happened than I am. Holy shit. My heart hammers in my chest, and I instinctively grab Niko’s hand.

“Hey,” he whispers, clasping his other hand over mine. “Do not panic.”

“How . . .” I rasp out. “How could I not?”

“I’ll figure this out,” he says, but I shake my head.

“What have I done?” I whisper, body trembling again. “What have I done?”

Before he can answer, a sharp rap at the door cuts through my anguish.

“Not now⁠—”

Ezren pokes his head into the room without Niko’s permission. His face falls when he sees me, and he glances between us both.

“May I come in?” he asks, speaking only to me.

“Ez . . .” Niko mumbles, but I nod.

After gently closing the door behind him, Ezren approaches. His hair is hidden under a black beanie, and this is the first time I’ve seen him in a casual shirt and jeans since Halcyon Fields. Each step towards us is more hesitant than the last. I want the cocky golden retriever back. When will he stop looking at me like I’m glass?

“Cadie . . .” He stuffs his hands in his pockets. “I’m glad you’re finally up.”

“Ah . . .” I scoot away from Niko, easing into the feeling of distance between us. It’s almost unbearable. “Yeah.”

When I rasp out a cough, he jumps a mile high.

“I’m okay,” I tell him, even if I can’t believe my own words. “It’s okay, um . . .”

“I was only allowed to visit if I passed on a message,” Ezren says after the silence lulls.

“From who?” Niko asks, tone like venom.

“The Midnight Court,” he says, eyes dropping to the floor. “Archduchess Imara, of course, but all of them, uh . . .”

If possible, my stomach sours further.

“What is their message?” I ask.

Ezren scuffs his shoe on the rug before he finally says it.

“An official assembly has been called.”

“I hardly have time for⁠—”

“With Cadence,” Ezren says, cutting Niko off.