Page 85 of Hunger & Harmony

“I don’t . . .” I whisper.

I squeeze my eyes shut again. The twist of concern on his face is unbearable.

“Hm?”

“I don’t . . .want to,” I say, pulling back.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want,” he assures me, and I exhale slowly, trying to maintain my sanity. “I feel your resistance, but it’ll only hurt more.”

“What else can I do?” I curl in on myself. “I . . .I can’t, Niko, I . . .”

He reaches his hand out again, and my voice cracks.

“Am I meant to unmake you?”

His hand stops just short of my cheek, and my face crumples.

“I’ve always heard those Dissonant notes. My parents kept me from music like it was gasoline and I’m the match. Everything I’ve known was built on a lie, a-and now I found the truth that’ll destroy it.” I heave on a breath as my teary eyes meet his. “It’ll destroy you.”

His fingers curl slightly before they drop away. I press my hands into my face, whole body wracking.

The fireplace sputters. The sickly sweet floral notes overwhelm what little cologne is left in his jacket. I feel his burgundy eyes steady on me as I sob.

“Maybe you can unmake the right parts.”

I’m mustering the courage to retort when his hands gently caress my hair. Resistance swells against the relief, angry and red, but when I try to fight it, he pulls me closer.

“Tomorrow,” he says.

His lips press into my hair. As tense as I am against him, his softness doesn’t give way to my despair.

“What?” I mumble,

“Try again tomorrow.” His hands rub my back in small circles, his cool skin soothing through the pajama shirt. “You don’t have to break it in one night, hmm?”

“But . . .”

“We’ll get right back to it tomorrow. Whatever you want, sweet girl.”

He kisses my hair, and I unclench in his embrace. Tomorrow. When he puts it like that, I never want it to come.

As he holds me in this solitude, we’re in the eye of the storm, the weight of this destruction paused only for now. My body is pliant, and my eyelids are so heavy. I don’t want to fall asleep yet.

Even if it’s a mirage, I want to run towards it. This warmth in my chest, and these steady arms around me. I press against him further. The honeyed lies of this moment will have to carry me through the agony that awaits me.

Because tomorrow I’m going to break this bond.

Tomorrow, we’ll be worse than strangers.

20

HOLLOW THROATS

The sweet laughter of a child pulls me through darkness. When my bare feet settle onto jagged rock, I recognize this secluded bluff off Mount Umbra. I look behind me, and the mouth of the cave I’ve just left. That’s the way back home.

“Why is Father closing this cave?” I hear myself ask.

Only, it isn’t me.