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And, god dammit, the only thing I want to do is kiss her and make it better.
She waits a long time to speak. When she does, her voice is soft. Contemplative. "Maybe I wanted you to throw me in jail. Maybe I wanted you to see me as a cold-blooded devil. That way I wasn’t a victim." It’s all there, in that last word.
The one thing that scares her.
“I’d never see you as a victim, Jamie.” I try to meet her gaze, but her eyes are fixed on the soft fabric of the couch.
She reaches for my hand and squeezes, still not looking at me.
"Do you really mean that?" she asks, her tone unreadable.
I consider the answer. For the first time, I look at the whole picture. “Of course. There’s always been something dangerous about you. That’s why I liked you.”
She moves closer, rests her head on my shoulder, inhales the scent of my neck.
Her fingers slip into my hair.
The scent of her olive oil soap from the shower surrounds me.
We’re good together.
We really are.
Just not the way either of us imagined.
"Are you really here because you want me?" I ask.
She laughs. “I’m here because I got a mission with your name in it. We both know that.”
Of course. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think she’d lead me to her boss. Or maybe I would. I don’t know anymore.
But that doesn’t matter now.
Everything is already in motion.
“And after that?” I ask.
She shoots me a look that says get real. “That’s not what we agreed to, baby. We agreed to trade personal secrets, not criminal ones. If that’s what you’re after, give me the files I need, and I’ll tell you everything you want to know about Olympus.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Exactly.” She holds my gaze. I may be hurt, but I’m not naïve. I know what you really want.
And she’s willing to trade information for something she needs.
She’s close to coming to my side.
Better, for when she doesn’t have any other option. Well, any other option that keeps alive.
“I should have known it would go this way.” She laughs. “You get an hour to ask if I ever really loved you. Instead, you ask what you can do to catch my boss.”
I don’t want to ask it. It’s so obvious it’s almost vulgar. But some things need to be said. "Did you ever love me?"
"I cared about you,” she says. “But could it really have been love? I never showed you who I really am.”
“You don’t love strong lattes and hate Christopher Nolan movies?
“Well, yeah, would it kill the man to have a feeling? But that’s not what I mean. You didn’t know I kill people.”