Page 37
“No. It's supposed to establish that I'm an asshole.”
“Well, congratulations. You've established it beautifully.”
I almost smiled. “I wanted you to think I was unavailable, and apparently I was extremely successful.”
“Mission accomplished.”
There was still bite in the words, but some of the tension had left his shoulders, and I stepped closer without closing the remaining distance between us. I had spent too long making choices for both of us based on what I thought Ash needed, and I was beginning to realize how much of that had really been about what frightened me.
“I thought distance was safer.”
“For whom?”
The question landed harder than he probably intended, and for a moment I couldn't answer.
“For everyone.”
His brow furrowed, and I knew I was standing at the edge of the truth again. Not simply the truth about Melanie or why I'd spent weeks deliberately making myself look like the kind of man Ash should never trust, but the truth I'd spent most of my adult life making sure nobody got close enough to discover.
I could tell him.
For one reckless second, I imagined saying the words and watching his face while I explained that everything he thought he knew about me was missing one fairly significant detail. I could tell him why distance had always felt safer, why I'd learned so young to mistrust attention and why wanting Ash frightened me more than wanting anyone ever had.
Then I imagined what happened afterward.
Ash already carried something heavy enough to make his entire body change every time his phone rang. He had given me pieces of himself and immediately looked as though he regretted letting me see them, while I'd spent most of the last month making his life more complicated simply because I couldn't stay away from him.
Dropping the rest of my secrets into his lap in a Vegas hotel room because I suddenly couldn't bear carrying them alone wasn't honesty.
It was selfishness.
The clock beside the bed caught my attention, giving me the excuse I hadn't wanted but apparently needed.
“We really are going to miss the bus.”
Ash studied me for another second, and I caught the flash of disappointment before he hid it.
Coward.
My dragon's verdict came with unusual clarity, and unfortunately, I couldn't entirely disagree with him.
Ash reached for his bag. “Then we should go.”
And just like that, the moment disappeared again.
There were twenty-three empty seats on the plane, and Ash chose the one next to Cole.
I stared at the back of his head for perhaps five seconds before Keegan dropped into the aisle seat beside me, buckled himself in, and followed my line of sight.
“You realize glaring doesn’t actually kill people, right?”
“I’m not glaring. I’m looking at the cabin.”
Keegan twisted around and studied the nearly empty plane with exaggerated interest before nodding thoughtfully. “Fascinating cabin. Particularly the section directly surrounding Ash.”
“Do you ever shut up?”
“Sometimes when I’m sleeping, although Phoenix says even that isn’t guaranteed.”