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“It’s over, I didn’t see any reason to—”

“Well, you were wrong. You hook up with someone, with Ren, the male you have been freaking in love with for years, you tell your favorite fucking cousin.”

I thought I’d kept my feelings a secret, obviously not. “How I felt doesn’t matter. It’s over. I’m fine.”

“You’re fine? You’re fine. Bullshit.” She rubbed her temples. “You two have been circling each other for fucking years. You convinced yourself it was one-sided, but it’s not. The longing fucking looks across the room, the yard, the cemetery, the forest, you name a location and you two have eye-fucked. It wasn’t missed by me, or anyone, honestly. Whatever he said to you when he pulled back, he was lying. He’s scared, guilty, doesn’t think he’s worthy, insert all the negative self-talk here, and it’s on repeat in that male’s head. He told Bram he’s tainted, that he can’t get the blood off his hands no matter how hard he scrubs them. You know, you’ve seen his emotional damage. But one thing I do know without a shadow of a doubt? He cares about you, a lot. He’s just scared shitless.”

She was wrong. “It’s my power,” I said again, almost desperately.

“It’s not. I know he’s done a fucking terrible job of showing you. The alcohol and the females certainly didn’t help, and if any other male did that, then laid a hand on you, I’d chop it off. I’d tell you he was a player and to run for the hills, but this isn’t just some male, this is Ren. My sister’s sweet, loving, protective familiar. A male we’ve known since he was fourteen. He was drowning, the booze and the one-night stands were a coping mechanism. A crutch. He hasn’t been to the clubhouse to party since you started working on him, you know that, right?”

I shook my head. “No, you’re wrong.” A sick feeling twisted in my belly.

“I’m not. Jaz, I’m not wrong—”

“It’s too late,” I said, cutting her off. I couldn’t hear another word. She was wrong. Ren didn’t want me. He didn’t.

“It’s not. It’s never too late.”

“It is.” I held her eyes. “I did something. Something to lock them away.”

She stilled. “Lock what away?”

“My feelings for him. I don’t…I don’t love him, not anymore, and I never will again.”

Mags flinched. “You didn’t.”

“It hurt, Mags, so much. He told me…he said…he said he didn’t want me. It was unbearable, but he needed me. He needed me to help him heal, and I couldn’t do that with all that pain. So I let him go so I could be what he needed.”

“Jasmine…what the hell have you done?” She gripped my shoulders.

“He was hurting himself, over and over again. He tried to take his own life. I couldn’t let him do that, I couldn’t.”

“How did you do it?”

“The how doesn’t matter. It’s done.”

A tear streaked down Mags’s face. “And there’s no way to reverse it?”

“No.”

She pulled me into her arms and hugged me tight. She said no more, because there was nothing else to be said.

I stared at the wall, that feeling in my stomach, the twist, gripped tight. I didn’t know what it was. I shouldn’t feel anything when it came to Ren. Certainly not regret or sadness over what I did. The love I had for him was gone, right? How could I be sad over something I didn’t want, that I wasn’t capable of wanting anymore?

I couldn’t stomach breakfast and headed down the road to the field instead. My new friend sat on my shoulder, fluttering his wings gently as I walked. It was midmorning, Ren would be at work now and I wanted to check the damage. If I’d lost others through the night, they’d need to be taken care of.

“You stay on my shoulder, sweet boy,” I said, and he fluttered his wings.

He may not be able to understand my words, but he could read my emotions, and I knew he’d stay where he was until my apprehension, my fear over what I’d see was gone.

I walked through the old fence and stopped in my tracks. Ren sat under my favorite tree. There was a wild fox and two tiny cubs beside him. He was murmuring low, and the mother came closer, bringing her cubs with her. She butted her nose against his hand.

“Hey, mama,” he said as she took something from his fingers. “That’s a good girl.”

His gentle, husky tone gave me familiar flutters low in my belly.

I tried not to freak out. It was fine. He was a good-looking male, that hadn’t changed just because Xavier had walled in my feelings for him, and he was being kind to animals. I could appreciate both of those things. He’d never stopped being attractive to me. I still liked him, I still thought he was…hot, I just wasn’t in love with him.