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Milan in autumn is the version of the city I like best. The tourists have thinned, the light has gone gold and low, and the vineyards on the hills behind the estate are turning the colors that mean harvest.
I’ve discovered a thing no one warned me about, which is that the ordinary hours are the ones a man would pay any ransom to keep. I spent too many years accumulating the extraordinary—power, routes, the fear of other men—and none of it ever bought me a day like the ones I have now. Nobody tells you the treasure was the boring part.
You have to nearly lose everything to find it out, and even then only if you’re lucky, and I was luckier than I deserved.
Sarah started proper school in September. A real school with a uniform and a satchel and a hundred small ordinary humiliations and triumphs she reports on nightly. She is thriving.
I say the sentence to myself sometimes just to feel it land, because for four years the sentence was Sarah is fighting. The difference is everything.
Her hair has grown back to pigtail length, thick and auburn, her mother’s color. She wears it in styles she designs herself with the help of YouTube tutorials.
The scans are clean. The bloodwork is clean.
She has ordinary childhood problems now. A girl at school who is her nemesis this week and best friend the next. The fierce opinion about a cartoon. I could weep over them, and sometimes I do.
Ordinary problems are the ones we nearly never got.
Nick runs the legitimate operation with me, and complains about the smaller numbers, but sleeps as well as I do. After the break with the Brancatis, what’s left is olive oil and cosmetics and legitimate shipping. Less money, less blood.
There are men from the old life who think I’ve gone soft. I don’t much care these days, but they’re not entirely wrong. Something in me did go soft. I find I’d rather be this than what I was.
The law came for me, of course. It had to. But I have good lawyers and better documents. The documents told the whole story—that the network was Brancati, that the Sartorre exposure destroyed it. That I was the man who burned his own house to stop poison reaching children.
It was hard for them to sway public opinion against me, so they pinned the real crimes where they belonged. Matteo will die in prison. Allegra will be old before she breathes free air, if she ever does.
Of all the prisoners in the world, she is the last one who would get out early for good behavior.
Ma walks the gardens with a cane she mostly uses to point and swing at guards who displease her. The hip healed better than the statistics said it would, which Veda tracked with a vigilance that terrified the orthopedist. I suspect it is the actual reason it healed at all. My mother has decided she will live to a hundred out of pure spite, and I trust her.
Veda and I walk the garden most evenings, hand in hand. She still hasn’t fully forgiven me, and it’s the healthiest thing about us. There’s forgiveness for the man who bled on the road and cleared her name and knelt on hospital linoleum.
I married a woman who keeps me honest. It’s the worst choice a man in my business could make, and I’m happy about it every single day.
The bullet scar in my shoulder itches when the weather turns. The one in my gut aches. She catches me rubbing it and gives me a look, the doctor’s look, and the itch settles. Apparently my own nervous system reports to her now, the way everything else in my life does.
“I’ve been thinking,” she says tonight, and I’ve learned that this sentence from my wife is the opening of a negotiation I will enjoy losing.
“Should I be frightened, or delighted?”
“Take your pick. It’s expensive, and it’s good for the world, so you’ll agree to it in about ninety seconds, and then I’ll have won, and you’ll pretend you meant to.”
“You’ve described our entire marriage.”
“A clinic.” She stops at the low wall where the garden looks out over the darkening hills. “Pediatric oncology, free, donation-funded, for the families who can’t pay. I’ve watched it bankrupt people my whole career, watched them lose the house on top of everything else. I want to build one, here in Milan, to start.”
“You realize we have socialized medicine here, right?”
She rolls her eyes. “You realize patients still have expenses the system doesn’t cover, right?”
“Huh. I did not. Go on.”
“Milan first,” she goes on, warming to it the way she warms to any problem worth solving, “but I’ve been reading the numbers on the American side too. There’s a bigger gap in Boston—the families who fall through insurance, the ones who go bankrupt in the second year. I could do something about that. Both places. A model that travels.”
“Boston,” I say, and she hears the question I don’t ask, which is whether Boston means leaving.
“Boston as a second site,” she says. “Run from here. I’m not going anywhere, Sartorre. I’m building something too big to fit in one country, that’s all.”
I ask the right questions, because I’ve learned that loving this woman means taking her ideas as seriously as she takes her patients. Staffing. Funding models. The regulatory maze of a foreign national opening a medical facility. She has answers for all of it, has clearly been building this in her head for months, probably since the warehouse.