Page 108 of My Kind of Happy

‘And me him. But I can’t help feeling that I should hold myself back, when his love life – in fact his whole life – is in chaos.’

‘Or.’ Ethel sipped her tea. ‘You could allow yourself to be happy about having this person in your life, instead of feeling guilty about it?’

‘He’s not free to be in my life, not while he’s still in someone else’s,’ I pointed out.

She was quiet for a moment. ‘You’re right, love. And you’re very sensible.’

‘Sensible would be putting him out of my mind completely.’ I leaned forward at the table, resting my chin in my hand. ‘If any of my friends were in this situation, I’d advise them to avoid him like the plague until he’s ready to move on. Everyone knows you shouldn’t go from one relationship straight to another.’

‘This happened to some of our friends in the forties after the war, you know. Husbands sometimes didn’t come home and sometimes they did but the war had changed them so much that they couldn’t settle back into the life they’d left. There were lots of young women left on their own who started courting as soon as they could, wanting to feel a man’s arms around them again. But even under those circumstances, I always advised my friends to take it slow. I’d say the same to you.’

I felt a rush of warmth for my dear old friend and I covered her hand in mine. The skin was warm and papery thin. It was easy to think that affairs of the heart were the preserve of the young. But Ethel’s heart had decades more experience at loving and being loved than mine.

‘You’re right,’ I agreed. ‘Although he kissed my cheek earlier and if he does that again, I might find it almost impossible to take it slow.’

She chuckled. ‘I’d like to have met the man who’s put the colour back in my Fearne’s cheeks. He’ll need a good friend like you in the coming months. Someone who’ll be unconditionally on his side, someone to listen. It sounds like he’s got a lot to be angry about.’

‘I can be his friend,’ I said, meaning it. ‘I’d rather be just a friend to him than nothing at all.’

‘I’m sure you would, dear,’ she warned. ‘But you’ve had your own share of sorrow this past year. You deserve to be someone’s significant other, not to just be a shoulder to cry on.’

‘I’ll remember. Scamp likes him by the way.’

She chuckled. ‘Then that’s all I need to know he’s a good ’un.’

‘Thank you, Ethel.’ I patted her hand. ‘What would I do without your advice?’

‘Thank you, dear.’ Ethel smiled faintly and felt in her handbag for a tissue to blow her nose. ‘You don’t know how much it means to me to hear that. Thank you for making me feel like me again. Most days I’m in the way. I’m on this earth just taking up room. It’s nice to feel useful for a change. Even just having Scamp to look after gave me something to do.’

At the mention of his name, the dog turned to look up at Ethel, resting his chin on her leg and she stroked his nose and smoothed back his wiry eyebrows. A lump had formed in my throat, tears threatened to fall and for a moment I couldn’t speak.

‘Hello, old friend,’ she murmured. ‘Yes, I’m talking about you.’

I knew what I had to do; I had to let him go. It was the right thing to do. Ethel had only agreed to give him up for good when she’d thought she’d be staying in the care home for the rest of her days. But now things had changed.

Through the archway, I saw Carole’s car pull up again. She got out of the car, collected her handbag from the back seat and marched purposefully towards us.

I dropped onto the floor and buried my face in Scamp’s fur, hugging his neck and kissing his face again and again.

‘What a wonderful variety of flowers you have!’ Carole exclaimed, joining us at the back of the shop.

I sprang up, quickly brushing any stray tears from my face. ‘Thank you.’

‘Fearne is a very talented girl,’ said Ethel struggling to get to her feet. ‘And I think she’s found her happy place.’

She bent down to the dog. ‘And so has my faithful friend.’

‘Oh yes, the dog,’ said Carole slipping her arm through her mother’s. ‘We were talking about Scamp coming up to Yorkshire, weren’t we, Mum?’

Ethel nodded. ‘If that suits you? It’s just I can’t bear to think that I might never see him again.’

‘Of course, I completely understand.’ I tried to smile but my mouth wouldn’t bend into a line. I wasn’t sure how I could bear it either. ‘He’s been yours since he was a bundle of fluff, it’s only fair that you take him to Yorkshire with you.’

I turned away, pretending to look for a bag to put his things in. I’d got his lead and his bed here, his water bowl and one or two of his toys. The rest I supposed I could send in the post.

Carole gave a strangled laugh. ‘No, no, not now!’

‘We mean if you go on holiday,’ Ethel said quickly, ‘and didn’t want to put him into a kennel, he could come to us.’