Page 13 of The Merry Christmas Project

I’d never really known whether she liked him or not. She was pleasant to him when their paths crossed, but slightly reserved in his presence.

I shook my head. ‘I miss him, Astrid.’

That was an understatement. I missed him acutely. The feel of his manly face against mine. The way we used to interlace our fingers and his thumb would stroke the back of my hand. I missed the way he made the bed in the morning as if he was preparing for a military inspection, my old T-shirt folded under my pillow neatly for me, his pyjamas trousers with their ironed-in creases. Catching up on our respective days over dinner which we’d taken in turns to cook. Whenever I thought about what I’d lost, I ached with sadness deep inside me.

I’d gone round and round in circles thinking about the breakdown of our relationship. Being on my own had given me too much time to dwell on it. Maybe I should have stayed with him and accepted that marriage wasn’t the be-all and end-all, but in my heart of hearts, the yearning for a family of my own was something that I knew would never go away. Daniel had seemed so adamant ; I believed him when he said he wouldn’t change his mind.

‘Of course, you do, mein Liebling.’ Astrid smiled ruefully. ‘You’re not having second thoughts about moving out, are you ?’

I heaved a big sigh.

‘I know things have worked out for the best, but I haven’t stopped loving him. He wants to stay friends and sends me texts, letting me know what he’s up to and asking how I am. It’s really sweet, but I can’t think of him as just a friend yet ; he’s the man I’d thought I’d grow old with.’

‘He will be feeling guilty, I imagine,’ Astrid declared. ‘You gave up your flat to move in with him. You have moved home twice this year. He knows that it is his fault that you are apart.’

I decided to change the subject. We were two people who wanted different things. No one was to blame.

‘I might see him later at the community meeting for Benny Dunford. If I go.’

A shiver of apprehension ran down my back. The meeting to discuss the Christmas Project was only hours away and the closer it got, the less I was sure that I was going. Was I ready to see Daniel again ? How would we greet each other : kisses on the cheek, hugs, or a polite nod ? And Nell had said that Daniel’s old crush, the new head teacher would be there ; that was a whole different set of butterflies in the stomach …

Astrid gave me a stern look. ‘I saw Nell at the market and she thought you might have second thoughts when it came to it. I told her that she was wrong, that the Merry Shaw I know had more grit than that.’

I hid my smile behind my mug ; she had always known how to get the best out of me.

‘I suppose I did promise Nell.’ I swirled the last inch of tea around the bottom. ‘I just hope I don’t get all emotional when I see him.’

‘You will be fine.’ Astrid put her mug down and stood up. ‘You will walk in there, head high and looking as radiant as ever. He will be the one feeling emotional, I promise. Have another cookie. It’ll give you some energy.’

‘Why don’t you come too,’ I suggested hopefully. ‘Safety in numbers, etcetera.’

‘Meine Gute,’ Astrid tutted, putting on her coat. ‘OK, time for tough love. Stop making excuses. It’s a meeting to support the community. You are part of the community. The town needs young creative minds like you.’ She kissed my cheeks and clicked her fingers to summon Otto. ‘See you later. Bis bald.’

‘All right, all right,’ I grumbled to myself as she saw herself out. ‘I’ll go.’

A couple of hours later, I glanced at the kitchen clock and yelped. I’d been so absorbed in my work that I hadn’t kept track of the time. It was six o’clock already ; the meeting started at seven. I untied my apron and bolted upstairs to get ready. I’d planned on washing my hair and making an effort before seeing Daniel again. Now I didn’t even have time for a shower.

I changed into a clean jumper and jeans, dragged a brush through my hair, sprayed on some perfume and tried to ignore my rumbling stomach. All I’d had to eat since breakfast was Astrid’s cookies. Too bad, there was no time for dinner now. I quickly added a new layer of mascara on top of the old, tucked a pen, my new diary and a banana for emergency energy into my bag and dashed to the door. Was radiant the same as hot and flustered, I wondered, remembering what Astrid had said.

My mobile rang as I was locking the door.

‘Hello !’ I answered, tucking the phone under my ear.

It was Nell. ‘Just checking you hadn’t forgotten about tonight.’

‘Of course not,’ I said, pretending to be insulted. ‘I’m a very organised person, I’ll have you know.’

‘Oh yes,’ she replied with a snigger. ‘That had slipped my mind for a moment.’

‘Anyway, it would be difficult to forget about the community meeting when you’ve sent me endless texts and reminders about it and sent Astrid to check up on me.’

‘So, you’re definitely coming ?’

‘Definitely,’ I confirmed, stowing my house keys in my bag. ‘If you get there first, save me a seat. I’m on my way.’

Chapter 4

Cole