Page 40 of The Merry Christmas Project

‘That rumour is right – it is the builders’ fault !’ I fumed, finding Daniel on his knees in the living room fanning the flames of a fire. ‘They’ve made a right mess of the river as well as my cottage. I’m going round there now and kicking up a stink. They can bloody well clear up the mess they’ve created.’

He shut the door to the little stove and got to his feet, taking hold of my shoulders. ‘Whoa, let’s not be hasty and start arguments. You’ve already got the ball rolling with the lettings agency – let them do the fighting for you. Let’s focus on you and what you need right this minute.’

‘OK.’ I let out a deep sigh and nodded. ‘You’re right. Thanks.’

‘I haven’t really done anything,’ he said with a shrug.

‘Just being here is helping,’ I assured him, dropping down into the armchair. ‘I don’t usually mind being alone, but sometimes …’

My voice faltered and he looked down at his feet uneasily.

‘So,’ I said swiftly, not wanting to make him feel guilty about me being single, ‘what do you think of the cottage ?’

He pasted on a smile as he looked round him. ‘It’s very er, it’s very er …’

‘Soggy ?’ I supplied and we both laughed.

I pressed my hands to my face and groaned. ‘I was looking forward to showing off my little house and now look at it. What a disaster.’

‘It’s not your fault.’ He cleared his throat and sat down on the sofa. ‘Look, now that I’m here, I wanted to have a chat with you about something.’

He started jiggling his legs, a classic sign that he was nervous. He was building up to tell me about Tasha, I could tell. Suddenly I wanted it all out in the open so we could move on and be natural with each other again.

‘I know about you and Tasha,’ I blurted out.

His eyes widened. ‘What … how ? No one else knows, I’m sure. I wanted to tell you myself.’

‘It’s fine,’ I said calmly. ‘Honestly. I saw you together after the committee meeting last week in the shop. No one else knows.’ Except Nell and Olek. Oh, and Astrid, I thought.

‘Did you ?’ He blushed and raked his hand through his blond hair. ‘Oh hell. I’m sorry. Tasha asked to see inside the shop and then, well.’ He broke off, looking mortified.

‘You got passionate among the parsnips ?’ I finished for him.

He gave me a serious look. ‘I’ve been working up to telling you this for days and all you can do is make a joke.’

‘It’s a coping mechanism,’ I said, still teasing. ‘Inside I’m crying. You never so much as kissed me behind the curly kale.’

‘Merry !’ he groaned.

‘Sorry,’ I said, holding my hands up. ‘I’ll stop, and I’m happy for you both.’

He got up and sloshed the hot water into mugs and handed me a coffee, barely lukewarm. The granules hadn’t even dissolved. I gulped it down gratefully nonetheless.

‘Really ?’ he said warily.

I nodded, acknowledging to myself as much as him that it was true. ‘You waited long enough for that kiss.’

‘It’s very new,’ he said, looking at me earnestly to make sure I believed him. ‘Last week in the shop, that was the first time we’d … you know.’

This was his way of telling me that there’d been nothing between them while he and I were still living in the same house. I smiled, appreciating his honesty.

‘Can I ask you something ?’ I said once my mug was empty. ‘You know how important children are to me. Yet you never told me that you didn’t want to be a father. Why ?’

He stared down at the floor. ‘I thought not wanting kids was something I’d grow out of, I thought maybe loving you would be enough to make me want what you wanted.’

‘You’re thirty-nine ! I think you’d have grown out of something like that by now.’

He pressed a hand to his forehead. ‘You’re right. I know that now. I let you down. I’m so sorry for the way it turned out between us. But I honestly think you and I—’