Page 63 of The Sunrise Sisterhood

Skye was growing in confidence where Clare was concerned, Liz noted.

‘Nobody but me has ever bathed her,’ Clare said in a small voice.

‘But I’ve helped before,’ said Liz. ‘And I’ll be there.’

Clare opened her mouth to speak, but Liz got in there first.

‘I don’t blame you for not trusting me, but I promise you, I’d never put Ivy in harm’s way, I love her as if she was my own flesh and blood.’ Liz looked down at Ivy, curled up in her lap. ‘As far as I’m concerned, she is family, you all are. And I’m completely sober now.’

Clare’s eyes filled with tears. ‘Of course you wouldn’t, Liz. I’m not thinking straight. And I’m devastated by this.’ She nodded her head towards her arm. ‘What am I going to do? I’m helpless. I can’t even hold my baby.’

‘Oh, love.’ Liz reached for Clare’s good hand and squeezed it. ‘You’ll get through this. Your dad was right: “She can cope with anything, that girl,” he said to me last time I saw him.’

Clare turned her head away and sniffed. ‘Good job, isn’t it.’

Liz’s heart twisted. Jen had drummed into Clare the importance of independence and being self-sufficient, and there were merits to it, certainly. But there was a lot to be said for letting other people in. Everything in moderation.

Which applied to her too.

‘Girls, before you go upstairs, I need to apologise properly.’ Liz’s heart raced. ‘I’m so ashamed of my drinking. I’ve let you down, I’ve let myself down and I’ve let Jen’s memory down too. I’m lucky that today’s clients were so understanding, but I was stupid to risk damaging our reputation.’

‘What’s going on, Liz?’ Skye asked. ‘Today wasn’t the first time I’ve noticed you drinking more than … well, than everyone else.’

‘And I’ve sometimes come off the phone from talking to you with the impression that you were a bit tipsy.’ Clare finished her tea and Skye took the mug from her.

‘Oh God.’ Liz dropped her chin. Had it been that obvious? She’d thought no one could tell when she’d been drinking. ‘You’re right, I am drinking too much. I’m so ashamed. Your parents made a mistake picking me as your godmother. I’m supposed to set a moral example and I’ve failed you. If you’d both rather leave, I’ll understand.’

Skye shook her head. ‘Admittedly, today has been pretty shit, and I do think you need to cut down on your drinking. We can’t risk that happening on another job. But you haven’t failed us.’

‘I agree,’ Clare said. ‘You’re family. We’re not going anywhere.’

‘Good people make bad choices.’ Skye slipped onto the floor to join her, threading an arm around her shoulders. ‘Today was just a bad choice. Tomorrow’s another day.’

‘Jen and I always celebrated with a drink. Or commiserated.’ Liz gave them a wan smile. ‘I’m not making excuses, but drinking has become a coping mechanism. A little pick-me-up here, a bottle of wine while watching a film there. Without Jen, life hasn’t just become lonely, it’s been joyless. So I drink to escape.’ Her chest heaved as she finally admitted to someone how she felt.

‘I get it,’ Clare admitted. ‘In the weeks after Mum’s accident, I began drinking every evening. One gin and tonic became two, then a bottle of wine on a Friday night. Finding out I was pregnant was the catalyst for me. I stopped completely after that.’

Another catalyst. Perhaps, as Marta had suggested, this was hers?

‘Oh darling.’ Liz ached with sadness for her god-daughter. ‘You’ve been so strong. Unlike me; I’ve known for months that I needed to get a grip, I just didn’t have the motivation to do anything about it.’

‘I had no idea that’s how you felt.’ Clare shook her head in dismay. ‘I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you.’

‘There was no way I was going to burden you with it,’ Liz countered, ‘you’ve had to deal with so much since your mum died. And yet, look at you, thriving, holding down a big job, bringing up a baby, doing everything on your own, while I’ve crumbled. I’m only telling you now because I think the only way to sort out my drinking is by being open about it.’

‘Meanwhile, I’ve been thousands of miles away, existing in my own little bubble. I owe you both an apology. I should have been there for both of you,’ Skye said.

Clare laughed softly. ‘Don’t beat yourself up – if you’d have offered to help me, I’m pretty sure you know what the answer would have been.’

‘I can manage,’ Skye said, mimicking Clare’s voice, and they all laughed.

‘Well, I can’t manage alone. So will you help me,’ Liz asked, feeling foolish even as she said the words. ‘Cut down on the drinking, I mean?’

‘Of course,’ said Clare. ‘I’m feeling a bit spaced out from the drugs tonight, but I’ll come up with a plan tomorrow.’

‘Thank you.’ Liz’s heart swelled. Some things never changed; Clare had run her life according to plan ever since she was a little girl.

‘Maybe you need something to replace drinking with to keep you occupied,’ Skye suggested. ‘Like … knitting?’