Page 1 of A Merry Little Christmas

Prologue

April

Nell held her phone, watching as the timer dragged its way towards zero; how could three short minutes feel like a lifetime? Perched on the edge of the bath with the door firmly closed, her heart was racing. Her gaze shifted to the pregnancy test in her other hand, turned face down so that she wouldn’t look at the result until the three minutes were up.

Please, please, please be positive this time.

Oh, how she hoped that April would be the month when she’d cry happy tears instead of the other kind. She’d shout for Olek and the two of them would dance around the bathroom, eyes alight, talking over each other about how exciting it was, how wonderful it was going to be to have a child together. She’d show him how to work out her due date (even though she’d been keeping a mental note as to when the soonest she’d be a mum could be – January, currently) and they’d make an appointment with the doctor to have her pregnancy confirmed.

Officially, she and Olek had only just started trying for a baby. But, secretly, Nell had been a bit que sera, sera with her birth control tablets for a long time. She hadn’t even told her best friend, Merry, which was unheard of, because she normally never kept anything from her.

Nor was it like her not to be honest with Olek. It hadn’t been done with malicious intent, more that she’d had a niggling doubt about her abilities to conceive these days. At thirty-six, there had been so many times over the years when she’d been careless and could easily have got pregnant by accident but hadn’t. Not since … She swiftly halted her thought processes and tucked that particular memory back into the dark corner of her mind where it had remained blissfully undisturbed for years.

Besides, she knew that Olek would have been happy even if she’d had a surprise pregnancy. He was already a devoted dad to sixteen-year-old Max and missed him when he was with his mother. And besides, Olek was happy when Nell was happy, and vice versa.

She and Olek had a wonderful marriage, she knew how lucky she was to be loved by him. And if she could be a mum, if they could have a child of their own to love, well, her life would be complete. But the months had ticked by without a pregnancy, confirming Nell’s fears. She’d wanted to know what was going on with her body and the only way that was going to happen was to talk to Olek about it.

The timer on her phone was down to the last thirty seconds, but she still didn’t peek, wanting to give the test the full three minutes to work. At least the delay in her pregnancy plans meant that by January, she’d have been a partner at Merry and Bright, Merry’s candle business, for a whole year. So she wouldn’t feel too bad about taking some maternity leave. Unless, of course, Merry got pregnant at the same time, that might be a bit tricky.

Nell’s face softened into a smile. The two best friends, now business partners, were on the same motherhood journey and trying for a family. It would be crazy and chaotic if they both had babies next year, but what fun too. Their babies would be best friends from birth, she and Merry could do all the baby classes together and the bond between the two women would grow even stronger as they entered a new era at the same time.

The timer went off in Nell’s hand, making her jump. With her heart in her mouth, she turned off the ringer, took a deep breath and flipped over the test stick.

Negative. Damn.

Of course it was. Just like every other month.

The disappointment was almost physical. A heavy curtain of sadness fell over her and she felt her shoulders start to shake.

‘Darling?’ Olek called, his Polish accent somehow imbuing that one word with extra love. He knocked softly on the bathroom door. ‘Are you OK?’

Her heart twisted. He was so thoughtful, avoiding asking the burning question of whether the test was positive or not, merely asking how she was, instinctively putting her first, over his eagerness to know the outcome.

‘Come in,’ she replied. At least that was what she tried to say; her voice was strangled with sorrow.

Olek opened the door and knelt beside her, wrapping her in his love, his strong arms taking the place of words. Still clutching the negative test in her hand, she leaned into him and allowed the tears to fall.

‘No baby,’ she said, with a sad smile. ‘Not this time.’

‘Oh, sweetheart.’ Olek kissed the tears from her cheeks and kissed her. ‘Don’t be sad. It’s completely normal for it to take a few months and we’ve only just started trying.’

Except that they hadn’t, thought Nell guiltily. She’d done the research; most couples conceived within a year. It had been longer than that. Plus, her age was starting to work against her.

She leaned her forehead against his. ‘If I don’t get pregnant next month, can we go and have some tests done to see if there’s a problem?’

Olek pulled back from her, brushing her auburn curls off her face. ‘How about waiting six months? Give it some time. And then I promise to do anything you ask.’ He kissed her again. ‘But I’m sure there won’t be anything wrong.’

It wasn’t as fast as she’d have liked, but it was a step forward. With every passing month, she became more convinced that she wasn’t ever going to conceive. It was bad enough having a hunch, but how she’d be able to cope when a doctor confirmed that she was the problem, she had no idea.

‘I hope you’re right, my love.’ She accepted a tissue from him and dried her eyes. ‘I really do.’

Merry was itching to get a move on, but Cole, in true Cole fashion, was being extremely methodical.

‘I bought three types,’ he said, carefully unpacking the first from its box and smoothing the accompanying leaflet to remove the folds. ‘This is my preferred starting point. Apparently, it’s ninety-nine per cent accurate and has the best reviews on Google.’

‘Trust you, Mr Belt and Braces. Just pass it to me and let me get on with it.’ She took it out of her husband’s hands and suppressed a giggle. She’d have just picked the cheapest, or the one which gave the quickest result. They had such a different approach to life; where Merry was always racing from one thing to another making snap decisions as she went, Cole was calm and considered, but despite their differences, as a couple, they just worked.

‘I haven’t read the instructions yet,’ he complained. ‘We need to do this properly, it’s important.’