Page 29 of A Merry Little Christmas

‘Something about his girl?’ Emily guessed.

‘It’s OK, Dad. We’re here,’ Merry said. ‘Both your girls, Emily and Merry.’

He lifted his head up and Merry was struck by how much weight he had lost even in the past couple of weeks. The collar of his pyjama shirt swamped his neck; he looked tiny against the pillow. She’d planned to buy him some new ones for Christmas, but perhaps she should buy them now and bring them in.

‘Don’t try to sit up, save your energy,’ Emily soothed, taking his hand again. She looked at Merry and shook her head. ‘He’s changed so much in the month since I was last here, I feel terrible.’

Ray nodded and lay back down. ‘Is that you, Tina?’

‘I’m Tina’s daughter, Dad, Emily. Merry is here too,’ Emily told him.

His voice was barely audible and Merry filled a beaker of water from the jug by his bedside and popped a straw in it.

‘Let me,’ said Emily, taking it from her.

Merry was happy to let her, stretching forward was uncomfortable.

Sometimes, Ray called her Sam, her mum’s name. It was a bittersweet moment. It saddened her to think that he didn’t recognise her, but when he spoke of Sam with such love, sometimes even recalling things they’d done or said, she treasured the fleeting glimpses into her parents’ relationship, always aware that she may never hear that story again.

Ray sipped the water and coughed. Water trickled out of the corner of his mouth and Emily grabbed a tissue to dry his face. ‘Lift up,’ he rasped, making an upward motion with his hand.

Merry fumbled down the side of the mattress for the bed remote-control button. She raised up the bed so that he could see them both and a slow smile appeared on his face.

‘Look at you two, pretty as pictures.’

‘And Merry’s having a baby soon, Dad, remember?’ Emily prompted him.

‘I can see that. She’ll be a great mum,’ Ray mumbled. ‘Bloody great.’

Merry felt her chest heave. How could he know? How could this man, who’d barely got any grasp on who he was, let alone his grown-up daughters, identify her worst fears?

‘Too right she will,’ Emily boasted.

‘Why do you say that?’ Merry demanded. ‘How do you know I will?’

‘You’re kind, lass,’ Ray’s voice was croaky and shook on every word. ‘Just like your mum. She put you first, every time. Even got rid of me because she didn’t think I’d be good for you.’

Merry shook her head. ‘She abandoned me. Left me to be put into care.’

‘No.’ He closed his eyes again. ‘I know Sammy; she saved you, even though she couldn’t save herself.’

‘But I don’t know how to be a mother, Dad.’

‘Pah.’ He rolled his head to the side. ‘Nobody knows what they’re doing. I’ve seen you with your husband’s kids. You know how to love other people. That’s all you need. You can do it, I know you can.’

‘And it’s not long now until the baby comes,’ Emily told him. ‘Are you looking forward to meeting your first grandchild?’

‘Course I am.’ Ray’s voice was only a whisper and after a few moments his breathing slowed.

Merry had tears in her eyes. Her dad couldn’t have said anything more perfect.

Suddenly, his eyes flew open, making the sisters jump.

‘Is it Monday?’ he muttered. ‘We have chops on Monday. Mum’s gone to the butchers.’

Merry and Emily shared a sad smile as they watched their dad slip out of lucidity and into sleep.

‘He’s gone again,’ Emily sighed.