Page 43 of A Merry Little Christmas

‘It’s not that …’ Merry began until Nell started to smirk. ‘OK, it is that, but it will be hard to monitor the quality if I’m at home with a baby.’

‘Then let’s get someone to work in the shop; retail skills are easily transferable if we get the right person. Meanwhile, I can be your apprentice. Monday can be our training day if we’re closed. The baby can come into work, and we can make candles together. We can take it in turns to change nappies and rock the baby to sleep while we work. It’ll be fun.’

‘It might work, and I’d like to bring the baby in with me, but …’ Merry hesitated, and gave Nell a thoughtful look. ‘Can I ask you a personal question? About the baby?’

‘Fire away.’ Nell steeled herself; she’d succeeded in avoiding in-depth conversation about her baby woes so far. But it was inevitable that Merry would ask.

‘Me having a baby, bringing it in to work, and you …’ Merry rubbed her stomach just at that moment, a slight look of discomfort crossing her face.

‘And me and Olek not being able to conceive. Yes?’ Nell’s words came out sharper than intended and Merry flinched.

‘I was going to say and you spending so much time with us. But will it upset you, being around us?’

Us. Mum and baby. Nell’s chest felt tight, and she willed herself not to cry. But how could she tell her best friend that even though she was delighted for her, it was going to be a daily reminder of her own childless state. ‘Of course not, you’re my best friend, and this baby will practically be my nibling. That’s a word, by the way.’

Merry let out a rush of breath. ‘Thank goodness. I’ve been worried about that. I’m so glad. And, of course, you’ll practically be its aunt, because you and I have been as close as sisters for years.’

Nell felt a wave of guilt that Merry had been worried. ‘No matter what happens, I’ll always be there for you.’

Merry was quiet for a moment. ‘And you and Olek … I feel as if we haven’t really talked about your family plans since you had your test results. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but …’

‘I don’t want to, thank you,’ said Nell quickly. ‘Other than to say there are no plans at the moment. End of story.’

‘OK.’ Merry looked taken aback and Nell relented.

‘Olek and I have decided to just keep it between ourselves,’ she said as lightly as she could manage. ‘It’s a very private thing and, well, it’s not up for public debate.’

Merry’s smile slipped. ‘Am I classed as public?’

‘No, no, sorry,’ Nell said, feeling flustered. ‘Of course you aren’t. I’m still looking for the right words to express my … disappointment.’

Merry reached for her hand. ‘But you and Olek are definitely talking about it?’

She nodded. ‘Oh yes,’ she said, forcing a smile. ‘All the time. You know us.’

‘Good. Because he’s the one person you should be able to say anything to.’

‘Absolutely.’ No one was more keenly aware of that than Nell. She heard Woody descending the stairs and breathed an inward sigh of relief that the conversation could now move on. ‘Prepare yourself, I think Woody has completed his morning ablutions.’

Merry glanced at the time on her phone. ‘Lucky him. I’ve been awake for four hours.’

‘I forgot to mention that he’s not a morning person,’ Nell told her. ‘He greets the day very slowly with matcha tea, meditation and the lengthiest self-care routine imaginable. And the number of products in his bathroom … I didn’t know there were so many different types of serum.’

‘Good morning, angel,’ Woody began. ‘I’m up with the lark this morning, because I need to pop home and do a few chores while Spencer is out. He’s missing my cooking and I’m going to make him a pie as a surprise. But I’ll be back at one.’ He spotted Merry leaning against the wall in the studio and pressed a hand to his chest. ‘Merry, we meet properly at last.’

‘I’ve heard nothing but glowing things about you,’ she said, leaning forward to shake his hand. ‘Thank you for all your help in the shop so far.’

Woody took hold of both of her hands. ‘Oh, look at you,’ he exclaimed in a shaky voice. ‘Oh my goodness.’

‘Is everything all right?’ Merry asked, slightly bemused.

He released her hands and nodded. ‘I knew you were pregnant of course, Nell told me.’ Woody fumbled in his pocket and brought out a tissue. ‘But I wasn’t prepared … I’m so sorry, please excuse me. Lovely to meet you. I’ll see you later.’ He touched Nell’s arm on his way to the door and the two women heard a sniffle as he let himself out of the shop and into the winter’s morning.

‘Gosh, I think I’ve made him cry, do you know why that could be?’ Merry asked.

Nell stared after him, watching him disappear into the crowds in the market. Poor Woody, the sight of Merry’s baby bump really seemed to upset him. ‘No idea, I’m as in the dark as you are.’

Woody had hinted at plans for next year that had gone awry. Could they perhaps be family-related? Maybe she wasn’t the only one who had unfulfilled dreams of being a parent. Her mind leapt several steps ahead, imagining him and Spencer having debates about whether to have children or not. Perhaps Woody was for and Spencer against? This might explain why the two men were living apart now, even though they clearly loved each other deeply. Could it be that she and Woody had a lot more in common than she’d thought? She decided to make it her mission to find out, let him know she understood, and maybe … A dangerous notion entered her head: maybe Woody could be an impartial person for her to confide in, because the weight of the secret she was keeping from Olek was getting too big for one person to carry.