Page 72 of A Merry Little Christmas

She hung up and then redialled.

‘I love you anyway, not just if you’ve had an accident. Just thought I should make that clear. Bye.’

She waited, phone in hand, for a full five minutes for a response, but none came. Could he have had a serious accident? No, if he had, his name and phone number were on the side of his van, it would be a moment’s work for the police to track down his next of kin. He’d simply gone somewhere to lick his wounds, as he’d told her in his letter. He’d be back soon; she’d just have to be patient.

For the next half an hour, she tried to lose herself in the novel on her Kindle, but her mind wouldn’t let her relax into the story. Giving up, she scrolled through her phone to her WhatsApp chat with Merry. The last message was her voice note from earlier this morning, ending their friendship. She played it again and recoiled at the bitterness behind her own words. No wonder Merry hadn’t dignified it with a response. Nell toyed with the idea of sending a follow-up message but decided against it. She didn’t want a conversation with anyone right now; there’d be time tomorrow to speak to Merry. For now, she just wanted to wallow in her own thoughts.

She opened up the photos on her phone and found the ones from last December. There were some of her final few days on her market stall Nell’s Nuts, some of Olek, her and Max putting up the Christmas tree at home, pictures of the girls on Merry’s hen night, hundreds of Merry’s wedding on Christmas Eve and a lovely selfie of her and Olek looking in love on New Year’s Day. In every picture, Nell looked happy, her eyes bright, her face animated and smiling. The contrast to today couldn’t have been greater.

And she thought she knew why; it was this time last year when the desire to have a baby had kicked in. Before then, she hadn’t been in the least broody. Babies were something other people thought about. Olek had Max, and she had Olek, it had felt as if their family was complete. She remembered overhearing two women talking about their relief when they’d found out they were pregnant and being bemused by how fixated on conceiving they’d admitted to being. And then suddenly, almost overnight, she joined their club. She couldn’t remember why; although she’d had a niggle of sadness that she was losing Merry to Emily. Until then, Nell had been sister, best friend and as good as next of kin to Merry; there’d been no one else. She was delighted that Merry had found her real family. But at some deep, unknowable level, perhaps that had triggered a need to create a family of her own.

Over the course of the last year, she had carried on with life as normal, but the urge to start a family with Olek had gradually become louder and louder. Until eventually it had consumed her.

She scrolled back even further through her photos to the summer before last: the holiday she and Olek had taken to Croatia. Her freckles had come out in the sun, and she’d gone make-up-free for the entire week. They’d swum and explored and eaten seafood in harbourside restaurants and slept late … it had been one of the best holidays ever.

They’d had fun, they’d even, she remembered, privately congratulated themselves on being one of the few couples without young children in tow, able to do their own thing, in their own time.

Nell’s eyes lingered on a picture taken by a waiter of the two of them on the last night of the trip. She had been wrapped in Olek’s arms, their cheeks pressed together, both of them relaxed and happy. No one looking at that picture could fail to see that they were deeply in love. That was what was important, she thought, that was where she wanted to be again. Nothing else mattered; not her ego, not work, not money … not even a baby.

Forty-five minutes later, Nell was starting to seize up with the cold. She’d been switching on the engine every few minutes to inject some heat into the car, but she’d reached the point where her toes and nose had turned to ice cubes. The thought of a hot drink from the machine was almost enough to drag her from the car park and risk having to make polite conversation with the other adults. She dug in her purse for some coins for the machine and had just found enough when another car pulled up right alongside hers.

Why did people do that? she grumbled to herself. There were loads of spaces, why park next to her and risk scratching the paintwork on either of their cars? She was just in the mood to give the driver of the other car a thunderous look when she realised she was staring straight at Yvonna.

She groaned inwardly. She could do without this tonight; Olek’s ex-wife having another go at her for daring to ask when her affair with Viktor had started. Mind you, on the plus side, Yvonna’s appearance to collect her son meant that Nell’s presence was no longer required. She could simply start her car and drive off, that way she wouldn’t even have to talk to her at all. She quickly whipped the blanket off her lap and adjusted her seat and was about to wave and leave, but Yvonna was already getting out the car and heading her way.

Nell wound down the window, just as she’d done last night.

Yvonna bent down to speak to her, rubbing her arms to generate warmth.

‘Mind if I get in your car for a minute? It’s freezing out here.’

Yes, she did mind, thought Nell, but gestured towards the passenger side politely.

‘Max says that his dad hasn’t returned any of his texts or calls.’ Yvonna shut the door and pulled the sleeves of her jumper down over her hands.

‘He’s very busy at the moment; he’s hardly got time to sleep, let alone look at his phone.’

‘It’s not like Olek,’ his ex-wife continued as if Nell hadn’t spoken. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever known him ignore his son. He might not be the most dynamic of men, but as far as Max goes, I can’t complain. Usually.’

Nell’s hackles rose automatically, Olek had never put a foot wrong in his relationship with Yvonna, either during the marriage or after, but she never missed an opportunity for a little dig at him. Regardless of what was going on between them, Nell had every intention of defending her husband. ‘I don’t know what else you want me to say, Yvonna.’

Yvonna stared out of the window before turning to Nell. ‘It just feels like a coincidence, that’s all.’

Nell shrugged. ‘You’ve lost me.’

Yvonna loosened her scarf a little. ‘One minute you’re asking very personal questions about Olek’s relationship to Max. And the next thing I know, Olek goes incommunicado on his son.’

‘You’re right, it is a coincidence.’ Nell’s heart thumped against her ribs; she turned to face the other woman. She had to play this carefully, extract information without causing offence. ‘Perhaps it just hit a nerve with you.’

Yvonna held her gaze, she was biting the inside of her cheek as if weighing up what, or how much, to say. Nell stared back, willing the other woman to tell her the truth, but also scared that if she did, Nell would be the keeper of even more secrets.

Yvonna examined her own nails. They were long and painted red; one was chipped, and she picked absentmindedly at the edge of it. ‘I always wondered if Olek suspected anything.’

The air was so tense that Nell felt as if she couldn’t breathe. ‘About you and Viktor, or about Max being his?’

‘Me and Viktor. I don’t think it ever crossed his mind that Max wasn’t his son.’

‘So there is a possibility?’ she demanded.