Page 81 of A Merry Little Christmas

Merry couldn’t help comparing her childhood to her sister’s; when she was sixteen, she’d spent as much time as she could babysitting. It hadn’t been just about the money. She relished the chance to be in a real family home for a few hours rather than sit in her room in the children’s home. And she hadn’t had anyone to take her to festivals. But once she was friends with Nell, she’d been scooped up into the Thornbury family and spent a lot of her free time at their house. They weren’t fans of festivals, but she’d had several holidays with them. So many happy times. Two decades of friendship, she thought with a pang, but those days were gone.

Emily chewed her lip. ‘I must sound so thoughtless. I used to resent Dad for the times when he disappeared and just bowed out of my life for months on end. Now I realise I’m still the lucky one. He was our dad, not just mine, and I’m the one with most of the memories.’

‘Which I’m always happy to listen to,’ Merry replied. ‘I mean it, Em. Even listening to your stories teaches me little things about him that I didn’t know.’

‘In that case,’ Emily said with a giggle, ‘let me tell you about that Glastonbury trip. Dad told me he had a fantastic idea, and I should just follow him and go with it. I agreed, obviously. So we fought our way through crowds and over muddy fields until we found the VIP area. Whereupon Dad tried to convince security that he was Robbie Williams’ dad and he’d left his VIP pass in Robbie’s trailer.’

Merry cringed. ‘I’m guessing no one believed him?’

‘The security guard looked at me, hiding behind Dad, and said, “So you’re Robbie’s sister?” At which point I crumbled and muttered no. “God might love a trier,” said the guard, with a face like thunder “at first, I don’t. Off you go.” And so off we went. I was mortified but Dad laughed it off and so I did too, even though we had to walk past a crowd of people sniggering at us.’

‘Dad sounded like fun,’ Merry said wistfully.

‘He was, but he wasn’t perfect. After that, we went to see a band I’d never heard of, and he bumped into an old friend. Somehow, I got separated from them in the crush. Lost each other for most of the day. Mum would have gone barmy if she’d found out.’

‘Sixteen and all on your own,’ Merry marvelled, shaking her head. ‘I would have panicked.’

Emily grinned. ‘I bumped into the most handsome boy, who had a tent all to himself. Had a great time.’

‘OK, in that case I’ll stop feeling sorry for you.’

‘When I said it was one of the best days of my life, I was not referring to getting Nicole Appleton from All Saints’ autograph,’ she said with a smirk. ‘Although that was a highlight. Or watching Dad dance to the Shire Horses, which most certainly wasn’t.’

‘I remember him dancing with my mum.’ Merry scrunched up her brow. ‘And with me.’

‘He danced with my mum and me too. She’d pretend not to want to and bat him away, but I could see she was loving being in his arms,’ said Emily. ‘Is that weird?’

‘That Dad liked to dance with both of our mums?’ Merry asked. ‘No, I’d like to think that he did that because he loved them both.’

Emily sighed. ‘He did. Even though he managed to keep you and Sam a secret for most of his life. I miss him. You don’t realise how many tiny little things you do because you caught the habit from someone else. Like the way he always folded his napkin into a triangle and made a boat out of it.’

‘Yes!’ Merry exclaimed. ‘I found myself doing that at the funeral.’

‘And the way he used to say, “right then” about five times when he was psyching himself up to go to bed.’

‘Or get up from his armchair.’

‘Talking of which,’ said Emily, getting to her feet. ‘I’d better get on with what we came for.’

For the next thirty minutes, Emily packed his belongings into relevant boxes and black sacks and Merry helped her to set aside anything they wanted to keep. And as Mariah Carey sang about what she wanted for Christmas, Merry remembered the Christmas wish she’d made in the garden at Meadow View: to get her best friend back.

Her heart sank, remembering the message that Nell had sent her on the day of the funeral. She’d been so thrilled to see a missed call and a voicemail message from Nell. After the service, they’d gone back to Holly Cottage for refreshments, so it had been a while before she had a spare moment to listen to it. But when she did, the tone of Nell’s message had left her reeling. There had been a lack of empathy and emotion, so different from the Nell she’d always loved. Nell could have been leaving a message for an ex-colleague whom she hadn’t seen for a decade, instead of the woman whose life she had been a part of for over two.

‘What’s up?’ Emily said, noticing Merry had gone quiet.

Merry shrugged. ‘Just Nell. I don’t understand how our friendship can have just evaporated like this. The last voicemail I had from her seems so cold.’

‘Have you still got it?’ Emily asked.

Merry got out her phone and played it for her.

Hi Merry, I’ve just heard that your dad has passed away. I’m so sorry for your loss. I know how important it was to have found him and I imagine you’ll be very sad that he’ll never get to meet the baby. I hope these last couple of weeks haven’t been too stressful for you and that you’re keeping well. Take care, Nell.

‘Keeping well,’ Merry repeated. ‘It’s the sort of thing you’d say to an elderly aunt, not your best friend.’

‘She doesn’t sound herself at all,’ Emily agreed. ‘Do you think she’s OK?’

‘I don’t know what to think,’ she sighed. ‘But if either of her parents had died, I wouldn’t have missed the funeral for the world. Nell chose not to be there for me, and she can never undo that now. So that’s that.’