Page 10 of Somewhere Only We Know

‘I don’t know. But I do know that you won’t find it sending emails at three a.m.’

I shook my head. ‘I appreciate the offer and the thought behind it, but a sabbatical is the last thing I want. I’m sorry, Anna, but the answer is no.’

‘Is that so?’ She raised her eyebrows.

For a few seconds, we stared at each other, but I held my ground. She couldn’t make me, could she?

The lights changed to green. Anna stuffed her cup down into the holder before putting her hand on the gear stick and preparing to drive off.

What came next was one of those moments when time stretches interminably. In the split second we started to move, my eye was caught by a pram hovering on the edge of the pavement. The woman holding it released one hand from the handlebars to bring her phone to her ear, and the pram jolted forward, its front wheels tipping down into the road.

‘Stop!’ I screeched at the top of my lungs, bracing myself against the glove box.

Anna hit the brakes. The car slammed to a halt, causing the coffee in both of our cups to spill.

‘What the hell, Maggie?’ she yelled as boiling hot liquid splashed over her hand.

The woman, oblivious to the panic she’d caused, laughed into the phone, and pulled the pram back onto the pavement.

‘It’s fine,’ I said, breath whooshing from my lungs. ‘False alarm. Carry on.’

‘What, with a third-degree burn to my hand?’ Anna shot back. ‘You’re too kind.’

I barely acknowledged her; my heart was hammering hard against my ribs. What if the pram had gone into the road, what if Anna had accelerated, what if …?

‘I’m sorry, I saw the mum and baby and panicked,’ I stuttered.

‘Maggie!’ Anna snapped, startling me. She pulled the car over and let out a sigh of exasperation. ‘Now do you see why you need a sabbatical? You can’t carry on like this. You’re permanently on edge, and I’m constantly expecting you to fall off the cliff at any moment.’

I watched, numb, while she shook the coffee off her hand and found a tissue to wipe the spillage from the central console. Was that how she saw me? And others? I thought I was doing all right, coping.

‘A holiday, yes, that’s a good idea,’ I conceded. ‘But that’s all I need.’

‘You’ve lost your darling girl, your heart is broken, your soul deserves to be soothed.’ Anna gave my arm a little pat. ‘Take three months off and use them to gain some perspective. Life is short, Maggie.’

‘Don’t.’ I flinched and looked away.

‘Sorry,’ said Anna meekly, ‘this is raw for you, but you know I’m right. Go out and explore the world, find something that you like more than work.’

There wouldn’t be anything, I already knew that, but I could see I didn’t have much choice.

‘And then?’ I asked. ‘What happens when I get back?’

She held my gaze. ‘You come back to work and if you still want to be considered for a place on the board, I’ll support your application.’

My eyes welled with tears; I recognised a lifeline when I saw one.

‘Thank you,’ I mumbled.

‘So?’ She stared at me with anticipation. ‘What do you say?’

‘Okay.’ The sound of a death knell rang in my ears, but what choice did I have? ‘I’ll take the sabbatical.’

Chapter 3

‘I’m opening a bottle, want to join me?’ I said to my sister Kat on the phone later that evening.

It had been quite a day. Once we’d got back to the office, I’d worked like a demon, first composing an email to the rest of the company explaining that I was taking a break with immediate effect, and then meeting each of my team individually to delegate my workload and put a positive spin on my departure. After updating Anna and finessing the terms of my sabbatical with Human Resources, I’d left the building for the last time until April. Now I was home again, the house felt emptier and quieter than ever and without my distraction technique of pulling out my laptop and checking emails, I needed some company.