Page 52 of Somewhere Only We Know

‘Yeah.’ He grinned. ‘I’ve always wanted to work with turtles.’

‘Hey!’ I punched him playfully.

‘Mags.’ His tone had changed and my eyes found his. ‘I don’t want this to end.’

‘Me neither.’ It would, I knew it would, but I didn’t want to let reality in. Not yet.

He kissed my fingers. ‘I can’t stop thinking about you. I’m happier when I’m with you. I even laugh harder when I’m with you. Is it me, or …’

‘It’s not you.’

He stared at me with those beautiful brown eyes. ‘So what do we do?’

I gazed at him uncomprehendingly. ‘We enjoy what we have while we have it?’

His smile wavered. ‘That’s not the answer I was hoping for.’

I bit the inside of my lip, wishing we hadn’t strayed into this territory, which felt too deep and dangerous for me to navigate.

‘We’ve got totally different lives, Jackson. I can’t drop out of uni. I can’t fail. I can’t give up because of a whim.’

‘I’m a whim?’ He pulled back to scan my face, uncertainty in his voice.

‘No, of course not.’ I rolled towards him again, hooking one leg over him, pressing my body to his. ‘But holidays aren’t real life. This paradise is only temporary. I’ve been working towards getting my qualifications for years. I’m so close.’

‘Damn,’ he teased. ‘I’m losing my touch, I was convinced you’d be ready to throw it all away and live the dream with me.’

I grinned, relieved that the awkward moment had passed. ‘I can’t live your dream, Jackson, I have to live mine.’

‘But mine’s way better than yours.’ He shuffled down so we were eye to eye. ‘Come on, admit it. We could sleep under the stars every night. You could wear a bikini every day and I could rub in your sun lotion and try not to get horny doing it.’

His head dipped to my collarbone and as he kissed me, a spark of desire ignited inside. How could I even contemplate saying goodbye to this boy?

‘You’re selling it well,’ I conceded. ‘But I know what I want, and that’s to be a psychologist. I want to work with people, help people be their best selves.’

‘You can do that anywhere there’s people.’

‘Not if I want to be paid well for it.’ I touched a hand to his face, willing him to understand. ‘And I want to put roots down, have my own house.’

‘I’ll build you a beach hut,’ he said, kissing my mouth.

It wasn’t easy to concentrate anymore, especially as I was tempted, but I thought about how unsettled my childhood had been and how all my life I’d craved security. ‘I want a place to call home, I guess. Somewhere I know will be the same every time I come back to it, no surprises.’

‘Nooo!’ He pretended to look horrified. ‘Your twenties are the time to live big, explore, try everything.’

He was right, I knew he was right. But there was a need deep inside that wouldn’t let me go.

‘My whole life I’ve seen my mum get fired up about something, only to give up as soon as she hits a bump in the road. I’ve seen it happen over and over. I made a commitment to finish my education. I need to prove to myself that I’m not like her.’

‘You’re here.’ He extended his arm to take in the beach, the sky, the ocean. ‘You’re already not like her.’

‘Thank you.’ I smiled, my heart beating with joy for him. ‘But do you see why I have to go home?’

He was silent for a moment. ‘What I see is a beautiful girl with a beautiful heart, and I’m not ready to let her go.’

I rested my hand on his chest, felt the slow, steady heartbeat beneath the wall of lean muscle. ‘We still have a week.’

‘Not enough,’ he whispered, rolling onto me, and supporting his weight on his forearms.